so, as most of you know…chad had jaw surgery tuesday morning. he was in the hospital overnight and now has been home for 5 days. they did not wire his jaw shut, thank the sweet Lord, because i would have “issues” with that. i know you are probably thinking, “you??? how selfish can you be?” but, the thing that kept going through my head was…what if he gets sick? and that thought was enough to completely give me the creeps. i would have had to carry around wire cutters and always be ready to unwire his mouth in case of some sort of emergency. luckily, his doctor trusted him to not chew, so no wire cutters here. he has to drink out of a straw and can not have any solid food. needless to say, i have made more soup in the last week than i have in my entire life. my kids hate soup. and now, chad and i hate soup too. so, we have also been making lots of smoothies. aiden and chase love smoothies and drink all of the left-overs and then go beg chad for his. chase makes up for stealing his smoothies by always wanting to take him his medicine. i only let him take the child-proof bottle to chad to get the pill out…mainly because i’m not too sure i want to see what chase would be like on hydrocodone. the pain medication they gave him when he broke his arm made him…let’s just say…”jumpy”. i think chad’s stay in the hospital stressed aiden out a little. a few days ago, she got a tiny scrape on her knee. she sat down and said, “i need a bandaid. i need to go to the hospital.” i told her that i thought she maaaaay be over-reacting just a tad. i have no idea where she gets that. 🙂

here’s a little update on colton lloy; first grade:

his new love is writing. they get to journal quite a bit and do some free writing in most of their subject. he LOVES it. the other day when i picked him up from school, he said, “mom…i need a journal at home for me to write in. that way i could write about what i am doing. i want one with an elephant on it. like my old one with the elephant on it. you know the art spiral with the elephant on it?” (i think he might want one with an elephant on it) i said, “i don’t even remember where i got that art spiral.” to which he replied, “maybe yoooooou should get a journal.” i opened my mouth to defend my failing memory…but how do you argue with that?

…of my lack of discipline and patience. it’s sad, really. what is wrong with me? seriously. i completely broke down today. i had just dropped chase off for his first day of preschool and i had a day of fun and errands planned for us girls. aiden and i started it off by going to starbucks and enjoyed frappachinos…her enjoying the strawberries and cream, while i decided to partake of the pumpkin spice one. she sat in a comfy chair…sipping her frap…while coloring on her magnadoodle and looking at her book. i took in a people magazine and my nicholas sparks, dear john, book that i am reading while in the car ride line, waiting to pick up colton. then…we bopped on over to the mall to pick up my brother’s birthday present, dropped off my phone to be fixed, and then went to target while we waited for the phone. i had made it all the way through target…getting just what we needed; daipers and some fruit, and stuff for the boy’s lunchboxes when the unexpected happened. you see, in target, you have to pass the holiday candy section to get to the checkout. as i did…i noticed that the halloween candy was already out. my basket made this left turn…i swear…on it’s own, and i found myself right in front of the pumpkin candy corns. damn it!!!!! it is only september 5th. and i really try hard to not buy these until october 1st. what to do…what to do? without any prompting from my brain…my right hand reaches up to the shelf and puts 2 bags in the cart. we are nowhere near october 1st. i just could not wait. so…all of my other groceries are still sitting on the floor as we speak, but those pumpkins…already in the candy jar…displayed proudly…letting everyone in on my lack of any self control at all. here’s to authenticity. and pumpkin candy corns.

as most of you know…colton has had his first full week of 1st grade and is working on week 2. he is loving it. he says that 1st grade is the coolest. when i ask him what his favorite part of the day is, he says recess…and then proceeds to tell me about how the girls chase him on the playground, but that it works out fine because he is faster than all of them. is anyone else thinking that this is sure starting early????? seriously, they’re 6. it has been really fun to watch the dynamic between the kids in the last week. the two little ones really miss colton during the day, and he misses them too. it has given chase and aiden the opportunity to become really close, so that’s been fun. they literally follow each other around the house playing all sorts of things. aiden will basically do ANYTHING chase tells her to…which he loves. he’s got halloween all set up. i over-heard them planning it in the playroom the other day. chase says that colton is gonna be batman…he is gonna be robin…and when he asks who is gonna be batgirl (just to make sure aiden remembers the plan) aiden raises her hand straight up in the air; her eyes get really big and excited-like; and she jumps up and down yelling, “ME!!! I’M BATGIRL!!!” i keep trying to tell them that she could be cat woman, because then i could make her a cute kitty cat costume and the theme would still work. but no. chase has it all planned out and has her convinced that she must be batgirl. we will see. chances are…by halloween…they will be on to something else. like the muppets or something. (the muppet movie is their favorite right now.) although it is not a good sign that aiden has named all of her dolls lois lane. anyhow, today it was so sweet because we had been waiting in the car ride line for about 25 minutes when chase finally said, “mommy…i neeeeed colton.” then, when we pull up and see colton standing there waiting for us, chase and aiden start yelling his name and waving and colton gets really excited. he climbs in the car and i am so excited to see him that i start talking to him right away. there’s not even a “hi mommy.” there is only, “hi aiden and chase…i’m so glad you are awake today.” (normally they have fallen asleep in the car waiting in the line) then chase reaches over and grabs colton’s arm and says, “oh colton…i so missed you.” to that, my heart smiled.

in other news, chase starts preschool tomorrow. he is very excited and i am a little worried about how aiden will do here without him. she will have a whole 5 hours with just her and me on mondays and wednesdays. wow. she has never had that before!! i’ll have to teach her how to shop!! 🙂 i have a feeling chase may miss her too.

my questions for the day…

why do i hate taking out the trash so much?

why can i get the laundry folded…but not put away?

why do i love to watch cooking shows…but hate to cook?

why do i love to buy cereal…but never eat it?

why does aiden copy everything chase does, even thought she and colton are most alike?

why do people who long to have children, can’t have them sometimes…while people who don’t want them get pregnant?

if God knows that a woman is going to have a miscarriage…often even before she knows she’s pregnant, why does he create the life in the first place?

why didn’t i think of using paper plates for lunch sooner?

why…no matter how early i go to bed at night…do i still not want to wake up in the morning?

why do i love hannah montana so much?

why does aiden, all of a sudden, not want to go to bed at night?

why can i not seem to get through the entire bible?

why do i sometimes really care what people think…yet sometimes not give a rip?

why do we have nightmares?

why does my cell phone seem possessed at times?

why did we find over 30 scorpians in our house in south carolina…even though the exterminator said that they don’t live in clusters, but alone? and…none of our neighbors had them either.

why do i sometimes feel queesy for no reason?

why do i not want to let colton ride the bus home from school…and instead take aiden and chase with me and wait in the car ride line for an hour every afternoon to pick him up?

why do i have such a hard time with electronics?

why do new kids on the block get made fun of…yet the backstreet boys, and n’sync usually don’t?

basically…at this point, i’m not out of whys…but out of time.

o.k. people. this is one of my new favorite worship songs. i heard it at ecclesia in the woodlands for the first time. robbie seay happen to be leading worship the day i was there and they did this song. it is so beautiful and the words so perfect for so many of us in so many day to day situations. a friend sent it to me and i quickly copied it to my mp3 and have been listening to it ever since. I LOVE IT. very simple…and yet says it all. here are the lyrics…

SHINE YOUR LIGHT ON US (robbie seay band)

oh my God, shine your light on us;
that we might live.
oh my God, shine your light on us;
that we might live.

i’ve been holding on.
and i’ve been holding on.
all that is inside me;
screams to come back home.

and if you feel lost;
if you feel lost;
sing along.
and if you feel tired;
if you feel tired;
sing along.
and if you feel lost and tired;
this is your song.

and i’ve been broken down;
and i’ve been broken down.
but i aint givin up;
love will come back around.

and if you feel lost;
if you feel lost;
sing along.
and if you feel tired;
if you feel tired;
sing along.
and if you feel lost and tired;
this is your song.
yeah…
if you feel lost and tired;
this is your song.

oh my God
shine your light on us;
that we might live.
and oh my God
shine your light on us;
that we might live.

if you feel lost;
if you feel lost;
sing along.
and if you feel tired;
if you feel tired;
sing along.
oh…if you feel lost and tired;
this is your song.

shine your light;
shine it down;
like a rescue;
come for us;
we long to love.
shine your light;
shine it down;
like a rescue;
come for us now.

o.k. so who’s excited about fall television starting up again? i’ll tell you who. ME!!!!!!!! i have seriously been going through withdrawal, i think. i miss grey’s anatomy; the bachelor (don’t start with me…); LOST; what about brian; and don’t even get me started about how excited i am about the grey’s anatomy spin-off, private practice, that is going to be starting this fall. i am also looking forward to the start of survivor…but i didn’t really watch the last season. so we will see if i am able to get into this one. oh…and chad and i do enjoy watching house together. so…i have barely watched any t.v. this summer and it will be a shock to our dvr come september. i’ll have to dust her off and put her back in business. too many shows…too little time. we shall see.

on another note…colton starts 1st grade on monday. we get to go meet his teacher this friday. we won’t find out who he has or who is in his class until then. he seems to be excited about his return to school and i am not nearly as big a basket case as i was this time last year…him starting kindergarten and all. we don’t need to discuss how close i came to having an emotional breakdown at “meet the teacher” last year. nor do we need to re-hash how many tears were shed prior to dropping him off that first day of school. aaannnnddd…we won’t even begin to re-visit the number of pictures that were taken. i can probably chronicle that “right of passage” walk from the parking lot to the class room with one of those, flip the pictures real fast and make a movie thing. not this year. i’m low key. layed-back. doing swell. not having a bit of trouble with my first born already being in 1st grade. not picturing his wedding day when he is going to leave me for some girl and never even call or write and spend all his thanksgivings and christmases with her family because he’s forgotten all about me. and i’m definitely not thinking about this being chase’s last year at home with me because he is going to make that “right of passage” walk into kindergarten this time next year. no siree. i’m great. not a problem what so ever. who’s excited? i know i am.

well (sniffle and wipe a tear)…i think i’m going to go talk to chad about how great i’m doing. later.

i was sitting with someone…i can’t remember who now…(that should tell you how my mental status is these days)…and we were talking about where we have been in europe. you know…since i am the world traveler now. 🙂 anyhow, they were talking about all the places they had been, (and at this point i really wish i could remember who this was), and i was talking about where i had been now. colton, chase, and aiden were sitting at the kitchen table with us. i realized that colton was listening when he perked up, raised his eyebrows, and as a matter of factly stated, “well…i’ve been to iowa multiple times!!!!”

I could have actually kissed the ground when we landed at Houson’s Intercontinental Airport 2 days ago. I’ve been home for exactly 42 hours and 20 minutes. I’ve slept about 28 of those hours. Needless to say…I’ve had a bit of a time re-acclamating to my life. I thought missions in Ukraine would seem foreign. But what is foreign is life here without a team and a purpose everyday after being used to living everyday on a tangible mission. It’s like I don’t know what to do. Do I clean? Do I do laundry? Do I go grocery shopping? Do I play with the kids? Do I go to their baseball games? Do I go hang out with friends? Do I sleep? Do I stay awake? Do I drink ice water? Do I eat? I know that probably sounds weird…but it is how I have felt since I got home. I never am sure what I am supposed to be doing. Part of my mind and heart were left in Ukraine with the homeless boy and old lady and new friend and students we taught english and bible to everyday. Not that it is not good to be home. It is. I missed my family more than I can put in to words. BUT…I learned some things. One of which is that my family is going to live on mission together. My children will intimately know beyond their own circumstances. They will know their main purpose in life. They will learn to spread the word and love of our creator…or God…our Father. They will not be obsessed with themselves and their own desires…unless they are the desires of Christ. I’m not all together sure how we are going to achieve all of these lofty goals, but at least they are my goals now. Instead of the latest sport all their friends are playing and making sure they have the cutest clothes to start school. I’m speaking to myself here, because the worst thing I could do is forget the people we taught in Ukraine and more importantly…the mission the people in Ukraine taught me.

More to come…with pictures.

summer schedule:

tuesday night: colton’s baseball game
wednesday night: chase’s t-ball practice
thursday night: colton and chase have games…usually at the same time
friday night: colton’s practice
every day…all day long: colton practices in the back yard

yes.