so, chase had his first scrimmage of the season today and i think it went quite well. it took some coaxing to get him there, but once he was there…it was all business. well…more like pleasure, which is exactly as it should be. i’m a “mean” mom and make the siblings sit and support the one playing instead of going to the park, etc. it was chase’s turn to be cheered on today and colton and aiden did a great job. i’m thinking that chase may take after me and love the attention!!

…my new skin care product!!

i am the girl who will wash her face with whatever is by the sink when the hankering arises to wash the face. i have been known to use baby soap, hand soap, and even shampoo when i find myself in the shower with nothing else to use! yet, lately i have noticed, less than exciting images in the mirror when looking closely. okay…even when not looking so closely. dryness…flakyness…lines…bumps…and even crows feet…are taking up residence on my 30 something face. yikes! thanks to a dear friend, who has beautiful 50 something skin, i have been turned on to a new face product. i love it for several reasons. a.) it is pre-soaped. the individual pads have enough soap on them to create a generous lather…which is the problem that i have found with other pre-soaped products. b.) one side is smooth for removing make-up while the other side has little bumps to remove dead skin…sort of a microderm abrasion thing. and c.) they have alpha-hydroxy in them, which is known to make the skin healthier. and d.) they are fairly inexpensive when compared to other face products out there. i find myself excited to wash my face at night. next purchase…the aveeno moisturizing lotion.

sometimes i am haunted by something that i wish i could go back in time and change…or at least make right. there are things that seemed unjust, unfair, or just downright wrong. i know that i have to live by the “audience of one” rule book, but sometimes i just want redemption. the kind that doesn’t come from Jesus and the cross…but the kind that rights the wrong. even though the redemption the cross brings is enough, and the reward that the truth will always prevail once in Heaven is a promise…stories like these still make me whisper a satisfied…………….“YES!!!!!!” take a minute to enjoy this story.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=295TRv7EXaM

indeed, i am a creature of change. i am not happy unless i can re-arrange the furniture in the living room every couple of months. it has now been the same since christmas and it is driving me crazy. there are only so many ways to arrange it and i have exhausted them all. i guess that means we need to get new furniture!! (just kidding honey. just seeing if you were paying attention)

well…the real point here is that i am already tired of my new blog page. all those pink flowers staring me in the face every time i log on. enough already!! so…that is going to have to change pretty soon. but not now, as i am already running a bit late to pick up the little girl sweetness from preschool. but you can imagine my “giddy-ness” when i noticed (yes. it took me 2 years) that i could change font size, color, boldness, and use italics. i am actually feeling joyful over it!! expect a lot of this in the future…probably to the point of irritation.

so…to provide the humor in this post…because it is very unlike me to not have anything that will at least, hopefully, produce a grin…if not a soft chuckle (and i really just wanted to use the word “chuckle”): my main man took my little man to baseball practice the other night and texted me about something he had just watched him do in disbelief. here is what the text said…

“colton just made a play and then proceeded to look up and point to the sky. as if thanking God. seriously.”

entertainment at it’s finest.

so today was one of those days when you ask yourself repeatedly, “why am i doing this?”

all 3 kids are having valentine’s parties at school. yesterday, i shopped for all of the valentines, and the party supplies that i was assigned for each class, as well as their valentine’s gifts. chase also has to make a valentine mailbox out of a box for all of his valentines to be stored in. so, today i went out and got some cute valentine wrapping paper, ribbon, some little metal words to glue on it, and a candy frog that says “kiss me.” i thought he would LOVE that…his obsession with frogs and all. so, after i picked them up from school, we drove to my parent’s house to pick up aiden. the traffic was bad enough that i didn’t want to head straight back home and we decided to hang out there a while. i got all the stuff out to make chase’s box and asked him if he wanted to help. he said, “sure” but then got a bit distracted with the other kids playing in the yard. now, i kid you not when i say that i spent a solid hour or more working on this box. taping it up…cutting a hole in the top…wrapping it…decorating it with ribbon…gluing…taping…making bows…figuring out how to get the frog to look like it was sitting on it…hot glue…you can see that i was doing my best work for my best chase. my mom sat with me and helped and talked until i finished it. i finished it off by writing “chase…you’ve got mail!” then i called him in to see this mailbox creation that i had made in an attempt to make him feel special and loved. he walked in…looked at the box…and said, “i don’t love it.”

a little later, while ignoring a melt down in the car on the way to grab dinner with my parents, he proceeded to say some “ugly” things. i told him that he needed to stop being ugly, and to only let the kind words come out of his mouth. i told him that he was hurting my feelings with his words. i explained to him that what we say can really hurt people and that i had worked really hard on his box and that he owed me an apology and a thank you. i told him that i would take the box to his class and give it to a kid who didn’t get to make a box. he then gave the most sincere…sweet…heartfelt apology. here is how it went…

“mommy…i am sooooo sorry. i am so soooorrrry mommy…mommy i am sor HEY, MOMMY…LOOK…AN ASTRONAUT…LOOK AT THAT SIGN MOMMY!”

then my mom began a little bible lesson about the crowns we get in heaven…saying that while we are on earth, we have to say good and nice things…not mean things. and that we had to treat people with kindness and tell people about Jesus in order to get our crowns when we get to heaven. chase’s response was…”i don’t really want to go there.”

then, colton and mom and i started talking about salvation and i asked chase why Jesus died on the cross. colton, wanting to help a brother out whispered, “for our sins.” chase then proudly said, “for our cents.” then i said, do you know what sin is?” colton, again to not be out done whispers, “bad stuff.” chase said loudly, “bad stuff.” i said, “yeah…like talking ugly to your mommy.” at that, he said, “mommy…i’m just so tired…i think i need to go to sleep now.”

There are times in life that I feel like a spoiled brat. I wonder, does God look at me and listen to me and wonder, “Do you have any idea of the REAL things that I am dealing with child?” All I have to do is remember the vivid memories of Ukraine, read a little on the need for clean water all over the world, sit in a casual meeting while discussing sex trafficking in Houston, or just watch the world news to gain a little perspective on my life and the gratitude that I SHOULD have. I say “should” because that’s when the whole “I am such a spoiled little brat” thought creeps in. Lately, I have been thinking a lot about dissatisfaction and have come to some conclusions. It is not a bad thing to feel a since of dissatisfaction. If we never felt those feelings, then we would not be pushed to change. Sometimes, as a Christian in America, I am confused as to how to handle my dissatisfaction…which I am referring to from now on as…broken dreams. We are not talking about the “I wish I had a better car” broken dreams, but the things that my heart longs for that I can’t FORCE to come to fruition. The things I want to control but must let go of. The things like adoption, and where to best raise our 3 very unique and wonderfully made children are plaguing my thoughts and contentment. One minute I think, “This is nothing like starvation…so pull yourself up by your bootstraps and quit complaining”…while on the other hand, I cry out to God for answers. I came across one of my very favorite poems from my childhood at my parent’s house last night and it brought a peace to me that has been lacking. I’m convinced that it was the whispering voice of my Father telling me that it’s OK…to tell Him all about it…stroking my hair and looking at me tenderly…kissing my forehead while saying, “I’m here and I’ve got you.” Here it is…

yesterday, chase stayed home from school due to the common cold. at lunch, i fed he and aiden a peanut butter fold over, with apples. we have decided to position our new bunny, clarabelle right in the kitchen so that she will truly feel a part of the family. i tell you that, because it actually has something to do with my story and is not just some side tangent that i have decided to ramble upon…as i have been known to do in the past. so…as they are eating, i am chatting with a friend on the phone and loading the dishwasher. i look over at the bunny’s cage and see that clarabelle has climbed to the middle rungs and appears to be chewing her way through the metal. i walk over and tell her to ease up on the cage chewing and tap her nose to get down. the kids are just watching at this point. that’s when i noticed the peanut butter smeared all over the cage where she was chewing. i said, “who gave their peanut better sandwich to clarabelle?” to which chase and aiden, pointed at each other and said in unison, “he/she did it.” they both thought that clarabelle needed lunch.

later in the day, after i had picked colton up from school, he and aiden wanted to go see the 3 cats in the garage. (that’s another story…but they are the 3 cats that have stayed with us before and the kids have known them since they were kittens) so, i said that i would go out there with them, but that they were hiding and probably would not come out. one of the cats was growling and hissing at the other one and i told the kids to go back inside because i was afraid they were going to start fighting and i didn’t want them to be out there if they did. i told colton to take aiden inside and that i would be in in a minute. a few minutes went by and chase came to the garage door and knocked. i told him to come in and he opened the door and said, “mommy…colton said you were dead.” i walked chase back in the house and he went to the base of the stairs and yelled, “COLTON…MOM IS NOT DEAD IN THE GARAGE!”

i’m not sure if i am more disturbed that…
a.) colton actually thought i had been killed in a cat fight, or b.) that he told the little ones that i was dead in the garage, or c.) that he and aiden went right along with their playroom activities while chase nonchalantly came out to make sure. actually it’s…
d.) all of the above.

houston…we have a problem. i’m unsure of exactly what the problem is, but i am not the happiest of campers presently. now, i used to be a pretty upbeat person. positive. smiley. happy-go-lucky. all in all, pretty pleasant to be around (if i do say so myself). however lately, things that i used to let roll right of my skinny little shoulders are evoking this “ahhhhh snap…no you di-ant…wag my finger in your face” kind of response. i have absolutely no problem and even enjoy a little bit being the big “B” word. i have no patience or tolerance for any shenanigans. what to do? what to do? i can bathe myself in the WORD, spending my time letting God’s very breath turn my frown upside down; i could take every negative thought captive…whatever that means; i could take up yoga and meditation, which seems to be the answer for all the hollywood happys; i could turn out the lights and hide under my covers, which does sound tempting; i could call a friend and gripe; i could suck it up and just keep swimming, which worked for dori and nemo; i could worry that i am now comparing myself to 2 cartoon fish. huuuuuhhh…you get my drift. i guess what i will do is write down my irritations, and then hopefully be able to let them go.

1. after the second cup of coffee…i may…MAY be ready to go to the grocery store. i absolutely HATE going to the grocery store. and, i have no idea why i hate it so much. in my perfect world, we would not have to eat to live. it’s just a big pain in the butt. shopping for the food; finding room on the shelves to store the food; preparing the food; acting like circus clowns to try and persuade the kids to eat the food; cleaning up the food; realizing that people die of starvation because they can’t even afford food, while we have 87 thousand cereal choices…all just seeming very…well…irritating.

2. i wish people would not make comments that are neither helpful or redeeming and then hide behind “just kidding”. if you think it…and feel the need to say it…then at least stand behind it.

3. i wish that the people signing off on partial birth abortions being legalized would actually sit in a room and watch one being performed from start to finish and then make a decision based on education and explain to all people what actually happens and why it should be ok.

4. i wish that people would stop using their facebook status’ to insult people, passive-aggressively. i notice this quite frequently…being that they are splattered everywhere…even if you don’t care to see them.

5. i wish that a dear friend would have not been hurt by an old picture that was also splattered all over facebook, without her knowledge or consent. (maybe i wish i had never signed up for facebook…the jury is still out on that one.)

6. i wish that Texas would pick a season and stick with it. hot, cold, warm, cool, snow, beach weather. i need my own meteorologist stationed on my roof.

7. i wish that i didn’t have to raise my voice to be heard.

8. i wish that people who are totally and unselfishly giving of themselves to help other people who are in need would stop being criticized and talked about.

9. i wish i would quit being talked about.

10. i wish that people in this town realized that 8 year old little leaguers did not need to be practicing until 9:30 on a week night…twice.

ok. i’m done.

colton had another birthday. that means he is 8…which means he is my favorite number…which means he is getting older quickly…which means they all are getting older quickly…which means i am getting older quickly…which means i am not happy. with any of it.

this year, colt did not know what kind of birthday party he wanted. which is weird, because he normally has it planned several months in advance. this year, to help him decide, we asked him what his favorite thing to do is. he answered, rather quickly, “VIDEO GAMES!!” so, that began the brain storming, planning and organizing of the video game party. chad and i both agree that this themed party is not for the faint at heart. it was easily the most exhausting birthday party we’ve thrown yet. and there were only 7 kids. a…it was inside. b…it was all boys. and c…it involved wii. here is how it went.

we decided that he would only invite the boys this year. that was a first. then, we decided that it would be on friday night instead of during the day on saturday. ok…so far, so good. we then decided that we would have pizza. you can pop in and pick up a large pepperoni or a large cheese for $5 at little caesar’s…so it was worth it to not cook. going along with the “everything boy” theme, we got IBC root beer so that the kids could use the old timey bottle opener on our wall. (the fact that these are twist off tops was on a need to know basis…) this ended up being one of the highlights for these boys. in fact…they would not even finish 1 root beer before thinking they need to pop the top off the next one. the cake was a 9×13 sheet cake that we turned in to a wii remote with the help of peppermints, blue bubble tape, marshmallow ropes, and lots of white icing. the favors were guitar hero stocking hats that chad found on clearance at best buy, mario cart candy, and nintendo game cube candy.

we had 3 stations set up. 1 wii in the living room for bowling; 1 wii, hooked up to a projector in the dining room for mario cart; and the playstation in the kitchen area for nascar thunder. the kids drew numbers for their starting slot, and then rotated around so that each kid got to play each game, changing partners each time. there was, at least 1 adult at each station recording points to determine the winner. i kept the score sheet and the adult at each station gave me each kid’s score at the end of the rotation. i also secretly walked around and judged the kids on sportsmanship. they did not know that they were getting judged on this…which turned out to be a great lesson in the end. the little boy who won for sportsmanship (and it wasn’t either of my two) was so proud and you could tell the other boys thought twice about their behavior. all-in-all…i think they had a lot of fun. well…i know colton did, anyway.

side note…(and this story happened exactly the way i am telling it to you)…during the day, when we were setting up the gaming stations, chad came through the backdoor carrying this huge screen computer monitor that i assumed he had borrowed from the church, along with the projector. i asked, “what is that?” to which chad replied, “a computer monitor.” i said, “where did you get it?” and chad calmly stated, “i found it hidden in the bushes.”

i finally let go of my very legitimate fear of a book and started THE SHACK, knowing full-well that if i started it, i would have to finish it…regardless of how hard it was to face emotions that i was content to leave in the pit of my stomach. i don’t like anything that makes me go back to that fear…whether it be a common cold or a story like this one. but, i won’t go there. none the less…i found some of the conversations between the leading character and God to be somewhat comforting. there were many times that i felt like i wished the words to be true. then again, maybe they are.

TAKEN FROM THE SHACK:

“You’re talking about the church as this woman you’re in love with; I’m pretty sure I haven’t met her. She’s not the place I go on Sundays.” -Mack

“I know that your heart is full of pain and anger and a lot of confusion. Together, you and I, we’ll get around to some of that while you’re here. But I also want you to know that there is more going on than you could imagine or understand, even if I told you. As much as you are able, rest in what trust you have in me, no matter how small, okay?”

“The real underlying flaw in your life is that you don’t think that I am good. If you knew I was good and that everything-the means, the ends, and all the proccesses of individual lives-is all covered by my goodness, then while you might not always understand what I am doing, you would trust me. But you don’t.”

So why do I have so much fear in my life asked Mack. “Because you don’t believe. You don’t know that we love you. The person who lives by their fears will not find any freedom in my love. I am not talking about fears regarding legitimate dangers, but imagined fears, and especially the projections of those fears into the future. To the degree that those fears have a place in your life, you neither believe I am good not know deep in your heart that I love you. You sing about it; you talk about it, but you don’t know it.”

“The darkness hides the true size of fears and lies and regrets, Jesus explained. The truth is they are more shadow than reality, so they seem bigger in the dark. When the light shines into the places they live inside you, you start to see them for what they are.”

“An awful lot of what is done in my name has nothing to do with me and is often, even if unintentional, very contrary to my purposes.”

“It’s extremely hard to rescue someone unless they are willing to trust you.”

“Let me show you. Just keep giving me the little bit you have, and together we’ll watch it grow.”

“But I always liked Jesus better than you. He seemed so gracious and you seemed so……..mean.”

“Lies are one of the easiest places for survivors to run. It gives you a sense of safety, a place where you only have to depend on yourself. But it’s a dark place, isn’t it?”

“Give a man an inch and he thinks he’s a ruler.”

-God