my camera has stayed tucked in it’s drawer at my desk. and my phone camera says it’s full and no longer has any room for the images of my life. which is kinda ironic now that i think about it. obviously my mind feels like my phone does. full. and that’s why i haven’t reached for my camera lately. i even had a week of family love over spring break that i barely captured. that’s the beach, st. patrick’s day, cousins, a night full of musical and dance numbers put on by my children and my nieces and nephew…and not more than a few pictures to show for it.
that’s very unlike me.
i’m trying to tell myself that it’s okay. that i don’t have to always be memory making. that my brain can just be. that i can run around fixing microphones and playing dj and wardrobe change helper and duet side kick when my girl gets scared to sing her queen of hearts solo for our make shift grammys. (because let’s face it…i’m never gonna turn down singing queen of hearts.) and that i don’t also have to be responsible for being behind the camera to preserve every last detail. i can just be in the moment. living the moment. doing the harlem shake in the background.
however…i’m a happier person when looking at life through my camera lens. because…it’s then…that something seemingly “ordinary” becomes “EXTRAordinary.” it’s then that i notice the details.
case in point: little sister looking at her big sister to see just exactly what it is she’s supposed to be doing…a moment that would have been lost without the lens.
witnessing their bond…walking and chatting…and imagining them doing the same thing as adults some day. maybe they will be reminiscing about their childhood. or maybe they will be talking about their own kids. or maybe just walking in comfortable silence and the security that only a sibling can offer.
the lens helps me to remember how the wind blew our skirts as we walked.
and how they walked on ahead.
and how she held onto my arm.
and that lens points out how long her legs are getting …dangling from their home on my hip.
certainly i wouldn’t have remembered their game of rock, paper, scissor.
or the way that it made me smile when i noticed that his shirt matched my drink.
yes. i realize how i’ve missed my lens. i don’t like it when my mind tells my heart that there is not enough space for my life’s images. and i guess that’s how i know that something has to change. some priorities need to sway to the right while some others sway to the left…doing that familiar dance that they have to do when the music of life gets a little too loud. i have to put a slow song on because lawd knows…this girl can hop onto the table during a good hip hop number and stay there one song too long.
i can see myself giving me the two eye brow raised evil eye…quick, but firm pointer finger signal to get off the table.
and i’m glad that i obey her.
because don’t you just know that a great slow song is coming on?? like put your head on my shoulder? and thank God i’m off that table so that i can let those priorities do their slow dance and get themselves calmed down. and when that beautiful song is over…all is right with the world again.
and i pick up my camera again. and daily life resumes it’s magicalness. and my brain has all kinds of room for my life’s images again.