somehow, i’m sitting on the couch tonight feeling accomplished and ready for the week.  you would have never guessed it would be possible if you had been in my house this morning.

 

i had nothing ready for my pre-school class tomorrow; no meal plan or grocery list for the week; the house was a total pit…and i couldn’t get my computer to work to be able to access my recipe’s…much less plan pre-school activities and crafts for brown bear, brown bear.

 

it wasn’t the best way to cap off a relaxing holiday weekend.

 

annslee found herself a mud pie.  she was extremely happy with herself.

 

 

and then there was saturday night on the water.

 

sunset on the water is one of my most favorite things.

 

****

 

when i was a little girl, i remember seeing the preview for the movie NADIA on TV.  it was going to be the friday or saturday night movie…(i can’t remember which)…and i was captivated right away.  i remember being at swim team practice one morning, and a girl asked me if i was going to watch it.  i said, “yes.”

 

i can’t remember if my family watched it together…i suspect we did.  but i remember not being able to take my eyes off of the screen.

 

i fell in love with gymnastics while watching that movie.

 

and i wanted to be her.

 

i went on to compete in gymnastics…doing the best i could with the body type that God had given me.  i was one of those kids that would have been happy living at the gym.  i practiced at home…in the living room…in the kitchen…in my bedroom…on my swing set…at recess…and anywhere else that provided enough room for me to flip.  i loved it.  i thought i would do it forever.

 

when my first daughter was born…watching NADIA with her was one of the things i filed away in the “things i can’t wait to do with her” file.

 

although…i knew she needed to be old enough to appreciate it.

 

i decided that this weekend, that the time had come.

 

i didn’t know how annslee was going to respond…being that the child can’t sit still for more than 2.8 seconds at a time…but decided to give it a shot.

 

i made sure that everyone in the house knew what an important event this was, snuggled up, and hit play.

 

 

i think guys hold footballs when they want to feel more manly.  i’ve decided.

 

i wish i had taken pictures of these two about 3/4 of the way through the movie.  they were up and flipping on the floor…using the couch arms as a fault and pointing their toes and finishing with their hands in the air as if they had just landed the dismount of their lives.  and annslee???  well…the girl has some skill.  and aiden is convinced it’s something that she wants to do.  i don’t know where we are going to find the money…but these girls are going to take gymnastics…if my life depends on it.

 

****

 

aiden completed her very first braid.  this is important in a girl’s life.

 

and with the braid still in my hair…i tucked them into their fort-tent-sleeping spot.

 

they worked hard on this.  they wanted me to sleep in there with them.  but i draw the line at sleeping on the floor.  my body can’t take that sort of thing anymore.

 

****

 

so, today…after a few “minor” ranting sessions about the computer and house pit and lack of appreciation as a mom…blah blah blah…

 

i finally started making some progress.

 

there are these new, little gems that i found at target today…and they are called white chocolate candy corn m & m’s.

 

let’s just say that these little pieces of glory improved my outlook on life.

 

and then…annslee spiked a high fever.

 

poor girl.  while i was busy working on school and kitchen cleaning…she was whining for me to play with her.  i kept putting her off and telling her that i couldn’t because i was busy and that i would later.  and then i found her huddled in a chair…in the corner of the house…with tears rolling down her little cheeks.  she didn’t even lift up her head when i walked up.  i knelt down to pick her up and she was on fire.

 

i felt like such a tool.

 

needless to say…she got the star treatment for the rest of the day.

 

even with 103.7 fever…my girl still smiles.

 

so…chad went ahead and took the kids swimming at our friend’s house…and a.j. and i hung out, watched ramona and beezus, ate chicken noodle soup, and wrapped up tight.

 

and sometimes…that’s all either of us need to gain some perspective. 

 

i hand-wrote my meal plan for the week instead of typing it out.

 

i let little things…like primrose soap…bring me joy.

 

 

i organized the fridge, chopped veggies, and let sister friend help me prepare for the week.

 

there’s nothing like starting the week feeling organized and prepared.

 

well…

 

except for sunset on the water.

 

and a snugly baby with a cold who wants nothing more than her mama.

 

happy labor day…

 

and happy week.

 

so, i found a website…

 

 

…and it had me rolling.

 

mainly because i have experienced some major pinterest fails that are just as humerus.

 

i just love it when i am staring at the computer screen and laughing so loud that the kids ask what i’m laughing at.

 

that doesn’t happen that often.

 

 

****

 

the first week of school has gone ok.  i’m not going to use the word “great” because i really don’t trust people who say everything is “great” all the time.

 

i use “great” sparingly.

 

aiden and chase have done well.  however, when i woke chase up on 2 out of the 4 days…he said he wasn’t going.  this morning, i picked him out a pair of cargo shorts and a t-shirt to wear…which he has worn a bazillion times…and he said,

 

and i quote…

 

“why do i have to wear those stupid clothes?”

 

i think we are all just really tired.

 

home school has gone better than i expected…which leads me to ask myself,

 

“what am i doing wrong?”

 

it’s really easy.  colton is responding well.  and we have plenty of time during the day.

 

so i must be doing something wrong.

 

i am still waiting for the logic curriculum to arrive, and we haven’t formally started writing…

 

but still.

 

we even took a break from 6th grade on our first real school day at home to help out raggedy ann find her clothes. 

 

 

this is quite possibly my very favorite doll dress that we own.  there is something about a pinafore that calls to me.  and one made of white eyelet…well…forget about it.  it’s pretty much the bee’s knees.

 

she’s dancing with a rag doll, people.  just when i thought the experience couldn’t get any better…

 

she started dancing.

and he started playing too.

 

the scene really couldn’t get any better.

 

 

it’s these moments that make motherhood feel like a breath of fresh air.

 

my kid is learning.

 

and he is enjoying it.

 

and isn’t that the point?

 

i’ll take it.

 

****

 

what is my relationship to my 1st cousin’s baby?  is she my 2nd cousin??  or…is she my kid’s 2nd cousin?  i don’t even know…

 

but…none-the-less, here she is.

 

i went to the hospital to see her last night and was intantly taken back to when i had annslee there almost 3 years ago.

 

i all but grabbed her out of her father’s hands and held her almost the whole time.  my mother nearly had to pry her away from me in order to get to hold her.  she’s a real dumplin.

 

i got to practice my bounce-sway thing that i have perfected over the years…

 

and swaddle like i hadn’t missed a beat.

 

once you know how to swaddle…you never forget.

 

it’s like riding a bike.

 

congratulatioins you two.  here’s a piece of advice:

 

don’t blink.

 

you blink…

 

and they’re in pre-school, or 2nd grade, or 4th grade, or jr. high…

 

and you have no idea how it happened.



this morning, i set my alarm for a little bit earlier than usual…braided hair a little bit tighter…poured a little more cereal in their bowls…pressed her skirt so that it would lay just right…and lingered a little longer over their lunches.

 

 

this morning was a little different.  i only had 2 to get ready for elementary school instead of 3.  aiden would no longer have both of her brothers looking out for her.  chase was taking over sole, big brother duties at bauerschag elementary school.

 

and he was ready.  the first thing he said to me this morning was,

 

“i’m really growing, mom.”

 

yes you are, baby.

 

while i was braiding aiden’s hair…there was a minute where neither of us were talking.  i was braiding with a little more care and she was standing a little more still than usual.

 

she broke the silence with a quiet,

 

“i love you, mom.”

 

i love you more, baby.

 

when i dreamed of having a daughter…i dreamed of long braids tied with ribbons, gathered skirts with knee socks, and red buckle shoes.

 

these children have full filled so many of my dreams.  some that i knew about…like long braids tied with ribbons…and some that were silently nestled deep down in my soul…

 

like black, rimmed glasses…dressing them in their first sports uniforms…homeschooling in 6th grade…watching them learn how to ride a horse…or fish…or read…listening to them play together when they don’t know you are listening…reading their writing…and listening to their thoughts at bedtime.

 

and most of all…

 

watching and feeling their bond;

 

with each other…

 

and with us.

 

motherhood is an emotional way of life.

 

it’s more than a job.  it’s more than a hobby.

 

and it might not be politically correct to say…

 

and i’m probably setting back the feminist movement 20 years…

 

but it has become who i am.

 

it has changed me.

 

and i’m ok with that.

 

i didn’t know selfless love before.

 

i didn’t know sacrifice.

 

i couldn’t say that i would lay my life down for someone else.

 

but these kids of mine?  i would die for them.

 

i would stop everything i’m doing and instead of using my freedom that sending them to school brings…i would keep one of them at home and spend my days teaching him myself…

 

because i know that it is what is best for him…individually.

 

and i know this about him because of how much i love him.

 

in 27 minutes…he and i will walk 5 yards to our home school room together…

 

and we will start a journey.

 

it may last 1 year…or it may last 7.

 

but i can’t wait to spend our days together again…just like we did when he was a toddler.  only i will be replacing bubbles and blocks with reading and conversation.

 

he and i have great conversations.  and i am so happy to get to have them with him all day long about so many different things.

 

and this one???  well…she’s along for the ride…

 

and doing growing of her own.

 

****

 

firsts are happening all over the place these days.

 

like his first football game.

 

i better not blink anymore…

 

because…he was right when he said it:

 

“i am really growing, mom.”



relationships are an art form.  i’ve decided.

 

somehow…over the last 8 years in texas…the majority of my close friends have lived out of state…which is weird, since i grew up here.  that kinda puts a kink in the party, if you ask me.  however…as the years apart from each other go on…we grow closer.

 

there is nothing that shows you who your real friends are more than being slapped on bed rest during a pregnancy.  when it comes to social interaction with the outside world…you are at the mercy of who will come and see you all reclined back in your lazy boy, laying on your left side (or right?  it’s crazy that i can’t remember!) to try and keep the contractions at bay.  i could only get up to go to the bathroom.  so…that pretty much took “meeting a friend for lunch” out of the equation.

 

the first time this happened to me…my parents, my grandmother, and my aunt stepped in to the rescue without batting an eye…coming to take care of my little boys and clean my house and make our food.  chad’s mom and my sister-in-laws came into town from iowa and went school shopping for the boys.  and my best friend ami, from iowa (and that is how i always refer to her), called me up and said, “hold tight.  i’m coming.”

 

 

you know you have a keeper when she will leave her own family, hop on a plane, and fly to your side for a week without even being asked. she sat by me on the couch and we laughed and talked until chase woke up from his nap…and then she would walk upstairs and get him because i couldn’t. she stepped in to be mama for the boys. she cooked food. she was my girl.

i remember care packages arriving from south carolina, filled with twizzlers and a friends dvd box set to help me pass the time. you know me so well, lindsey robertson mart.

 

and dea…well she brought her pregnant self from the woodlands…to bring me my favorite schlotzkie’s sandwich and took up residence in the second recliner for the day.  i like to think that our unborn daughters started their friendship that day.

 

i do long distance friendships well.

 

but when you spend all day, every day with your pint sized besties…

 

…doing things like lodge room, fort building facilitating…

 

…and bubble referee…

 

…a girl just needs a tangible friend.

 

so…needless to say that my aspiring friendships of the last year have been a life-line of sorts.

 

i can walk across the street with an empty mason jar; knock on the door; and when she opens it…i silently hold up the cup…knowing she will know just how to fill it.

 

and she did.  without me having to say a word.

 

and last night, after my soccer game…i went out to eat with my team, like always…and surber (there you go christina!!) ordered for me:

 

“she wants an order of flour tortillas, a small order of charro beans, an order of rice, and an order of guacamole.  only make sure that the guacamole doesn’t come on shredded lettuce.”

 

i looked across the table at my teammate that i had met only last spring and smiled.  because it was a beautiful picture of friendship.  she knew me.  like…she really knew me.  these people have become my friends.  if i needed one of them…i think they would be there.  i really think that they would.

 

and if someone talked trash about me or tried to hurt me…

 

they will have my back.

 

and not just on the soccer field.

 

my girls???  well…they know how to fill my cup, alright.

 

and that is an amazing feeling.

 

****

 

the last official week of summer was spent getting prepared…

 

prepared for a change of the tide…

 

the change of the season.

 

our home school room is pretty much ready for us.

 

 

let’s go fall.

 

bring me a tide i can surf.

overwhelmed is an understatement.

i feel like i’m back in high school during finals week.  i was the kid who would freak out and run around like a crazy person…talking about how stressed out i was instead of sitting down and actually studying.  once i’d buckle down and finally start studying…i was fine.  but i would get myself all in a tizzy just thinking about everything that i had to do for a good few days before i would actually start.

that’s kinda how the start of this school year has been.

i’v spent a ton of time getting the school room organized, my pre-school cop-op plan in place, the math manipulatives put in cute, plastic bins, the supplies purchased, and the pinterest pins pinned.  however when it comes to actually teaching anything…

well…i’m having a bit of freak-out-flash-back.

all it will take is for me to buckle down and do it.  but at this point…it has been so much easier to make sure i had cute, labled containers for everything. and maybe a little too much time has been spent on the perfect teacher’s bag.  ok…not that much time.  and i can’t find anything!  except for a sweet vera bradley bag that costs more than our house.  any suggestions??

****

aiden lost her second front tooth.  she and the tooth fairy have become tight.  they are writing letters back and forth quicker than i can find a sharpened pencil.

i adore this picture of her.  i think it’s because that’s probably what i look like most of the time these days.  if i remember correctly, she was blaming chase for something.

we hit a birthday party at paint this; pour that the other day.  i was pretty impressed with that situation.  i want to go paint pumpkins.

because colton has some sort of sport every minute of our lives…i had to bring flicka with me to the art studio.  this is not the place for children under 5.  i’ve decided.  she was none-too-thrilled about not being able to paint cupcakes.

so…we improvised.

she did this all by herself.  it was impressive.  the art teacher stands up in front of the class and tells you exactly what to do and how to do it.  for art lovers…it’s great.

annslee had my dad walk her back and forth on this make-shift “beam” more times than we could count.  it’s time i get this girl in gymnastics.

she kept saying “gee…gee…gee” (which is “again” in annslee language.)

two out of the last three nights, i’ve had these wacky dreams that don’t make any sense, what-so-ever.  if you happen to see my facebook feed…then this will not be new news for you.  two nights ago…i dreamed that i was playing soccer in the foyer of our house with two people that i don’t remember.  only…we were not playing with a ball.  we were playing with rolls from spring creek BBQ.  it was me against the other two and if i won…i got to get a real olympic medal.  at one point, i stopped the game to give a lecture on the importance of sportsmanship.

then…the next night, i dreamed that i lost 6 of my teeth and was asked out by shawn white…the professional snow boarder.  i was back in college and living in a weird apartment/dorm thing.  when we were walking to his car…i told him that my teeth were in my pocket.  he was, like, “cool.”  then…when we got to his car…he opened the door for me and i was all blown away with how cool his car was.  i asked him what kind it was and he smiled and said, “it’s a honda odyssey.”

i woke up thinking…why am i having these wacko dreams out of left field??  i mean…i’m all about snow boarding…but why am i dreaming about shawn white???  i had not even seen him anywhere or been talking about him or anything.  nor do i find him attractive.  i mean…if i’m gonna dream about an athlete…david beckham…michael phelps…maybe.  but shawn white??  what a waste of a fantasy date dream.

but then…the next day…i gasped when i was at target with the girls and looked up and saw this:

be still my beating heart.



tonight marks the closing of the 2012 summer olympics.  it’s a sad day.  i hate it when they’re over.  but when i gauge things in terms of the olympics…it is unwelcomingly brought to my attention…once again…how quickly time passes.  like…when i first fell in obsession with michael phelps was in athens, 8 whole years ago.  and then i remember beijing 4 years ago, very clearly.

this morning, chad said,

“so the next olympics…we will have 2 teenagers; aiden will be in jr. high; and annslee will be aiden’s age.”

these are things that should never be brought to my attention.

my heart strings are wound way too tight for this sort of information.  my brain can’t handle it.

just today, my girl lost her front tooth.  and we all know that once they lose those two, front, baby teeth…they might as well start driving.  it makes them look so much older.  we let that thing dangle for as long as possible.  and when she yelled from the other room this afternoon,

i ran to her and smiled and grabbed her face and said, “yaaaaaaaayyyyyy!!!”

but my heart wept.  i’m finding myself more and more thinking,

i’m not ready.  i’m not ready for you to lose your front teeth.  i’m not ready for you to be in the next school grade.  and this just all translates into…

i’m not ready for you to grow up.

but every beautiful day…that’s what they do. they just keep growing. they inch their way closer to independence.

when my babies were in my belly…i wanted nothing more than to make the time fly.  i wanted them to hurry up and grow so that they could be here.  during that time…i didn’t have any understanding that a day would come that i would want that same time to slow.

i ask myself all the time now:

how can i make the days count?  because let’s face it.  i can’t make 24 hours be more than 24 hours.  but i can enjoy more of the minutes that make those hours up.

play more rounds of candyland.  let her crack the eggs.  share a lemonaide and share secrets at the same time.  ask him what position he would play if he could play any position he wanted.  color.  watch youtube videos on how to make puppets.  blow bubbles in one breath and talk sports in the next.

i’m realizing more and more that when i watch them pull away for college…i will never think,

man…i wish i had spent more time cleaning the bathrooms or organizing the hall closets.

i have a feeling that my tears will be because i wish we could play just one more game of candyland or sit and talk about sports over lemonaide for a little longer.

****

i think i’m going to go meet the kids upstairs.  i hear a game of hide-n-seek in the works that could use my expertise.



i have spent every spare minute over the last several days planning my pre-school/kindergarten daily schedule and theme unit schedule for the year.  well…not EVERY minute.  but a lot of them.  i am  part of a home school co-op this year and i am the teacher for the pre-school/kinder class.  i’m excited about it.  i mean…who wouldn’t want to do things like make snow, have puppet shows, and play with blocks?  on the serious side…it’s been fun to plan for the year.

annslee will be 1 of 6 kids in my class.  we went to get her school supplies the other day…and let me go ahead and tell you that a spankin’ new box of crayola crayons probably excites me more than just about anyone.  i’ve been known to just look at them because i didn’t want to mess them up.  and we all know how i feel about freshly sharpened pencils.  don’t even get me started on toddler scissors and art boxes.

every day, she pulls out her art box and neatly sets out her new crayons, markers, scissors, glue stick, and water-color paints.  she comes and gets me and points at them and says, “mine for pre-school.”  she is also fairly excited about her new nap mat…although i’m fairly certain that when it’s actually time to use that sucker…she won’t be so thrilled with it.

more and more often, i find her being mama.  in this case…it was to her “baby” the glow worm.

i mean…the child has 28 dolls…one of them being one of those ridiculously expensive ones that rhymes with flamerican paul…but she insists on using a hand-me-down glow worm.  i’ll never understand that sort of thing.

the boy has started football.  i’m not thrilled about this.  i tried on his helmet and couldn’t even hold my head up.  i don’t know how this is a good idea for anyone who doesn’t out-weigh the equipment.  but chad insists that it’s “fine.”

we’ll see how “fine” it is the first time he gets hit in a game and his mama runs out on the field and levels the kids who did it.  i’m not making any promises about controlling my emotions and flare for the dramatics.  ya knew me when ya married me.  that’s what i say. 

there are 2 kinds of kids:  the kind who’s muscles are always firing and the kind who’s aren’t.

aiden had her best friend spend the night tonight…and she is, most definitely the first kind of kid.  if she is not bouncing…she is pouncing.  she was trying to get aiden to kick up into a hand-stand and then flip over the couch.  aiden is the second kind of kid.  she is cautious and her muscles don’t seem to fire quick enough to actually enjoy things like that.  it was the same thing with her learning to ride her bike, swim, or play soccer.  her muscles just don’t like to do it.  so…she was doing that whole…”want to because it looked fun/not want to because she was afraid she would land on her head” thing.

i really wanted her to do it.  i think i wanted her to because that’s what i used to do when i was little, and it’s a magical feeling when you see yourself in your children; when you can say, “they got that from me.”  i was the first kind of kid.  if i wasn’t flipping…i wasn’t awake.

i also didn’t want her to let fear stop her from doing something that she really wanted to do.

i watched her point her little foot out and stretch her arms up in the air and count to 3…

and then chicken out.

every single time.

so i started offering encouragement and instructing her how to do it and telling her i would spot her.

i’ve never seen a child with such mixed emotions.

i heard her tell her friend,

“i’m not strong enough.  i’m too weak.  i’m not good at this kind of stuff.”

and i saw her feeling bad about that.

after she had tried and cried several times, she got mad at me and ask me to leave the room.

so i did.

and that was hard.  then i overheard her tell her friend,

“i don’t know why she wants me to do it so bad.”

and then it hit me.

the reason she was so upset was because she honestly thought that i would appreciate and love her more if she was good at “that stuff.”  and i had a flash of her watching me go nuts over the olympic gymnastics and flipping on the trampoline in front of her and talking about signing her up for gymnastics.  and i thought about how she has heard the stories about how much i loved gymnastics and soccer and swimming as a child.  and those are the very things that she has been trying to do…but fearing.  and she was feeling like a failure.

it really sucks when you realize that you have failed your child in some way.  but realizing it is the only way to fix it.

i couldn’t get to her fast enough.

i knelt down in front of her and took both of her hands in mine.  i looked strait into her tear streaked face.  and i said,

“aiden…i love you.  and if you never learn how to do a cartwheel or flip over the couch…it’s okay.  i will still love you just as much.  it does not matter to me if you like the same sports that i like.  i want you to figure out what you like…and then have fun doing it.  you are strong.  you are talented.  you are capable.  you can do anything that you put your mind and heart to.  and i don’t ever want you to not do something that you really want to do because you are scared.

she threw herself into my arms for a hug and said, “thank you.”

and then she stood up, pointed her little foot out, stretched both arms in the air, counted to 3…and kicked up into a handstand.

she didn’t make the flip and her arms gave out and she landed on her head.

but i cheered.  and she smiled.  and her eyes watered…but she got up and tried again.

and i believe……..

she will keep right on trying.

and there ain’t nothin’ wrong with that.

********

she went to bed with a wet head.  remember when people thought that you could catch a cold from doing that?

with the girls all tucked up…the boys got to enjoy some star wars in mama’s bed.

lucky dogs.



the olympics have proven their worth, yet again.  my favorite moments for london 2012 thus far…

1.  michael phelps winning # 19

2.  USA women’s gymnastics team smashing the competition for gold

3.  missy franklin’s gold in the backstroke

4.  US women’s soccer wins against france, colombia, and north korea

i personally really loved the sportsmanship that abby wambach showed after being punched in the eye by a colombian player.  she did not say a word to the player who did it.  she played the rest of the game with a swollen, black eye.  her only retaliation came in the form of a goal.  now…she is someone to strive to imitate.  it was sportsmanship at it’s finest.

in the long run…the wrong was made right when FIFA gave the colombian player, lady andrade, a 2 match ban for her “suckerpunch” on abby wambach…ending her 2012 olympic participation.

the olympic rings…courtesy of aiden.

****

i finally got the kids in to the dentist.  i’m, like, 2 years behind.  so…i was fully expecting bad news.  but the dentist said, “keep doing whatever it is you are doing…cuz they look great.”

phew.

waiting rooms with all 4 of them are always an ordeal.  something about the neatly set up chairs; the other patients waiting and eyeing our circus family with the question “are they all hers” rolling around in their heads; the quiet; and baskets full of magazines…cause their hands and feet to spontaneously start finding each other and fits of giggles to erupt without warning or provoking.

i say, “shhhhhhhhhh”.  alot.

noticing that chase was willingly wearing 2 different shoes made me erupt in giggles.

the kid really just can’t be bothered to find matching shoes.  i, for one…love that about him.

this is when i noticed that annslee was running a substantial fever.  by the time we got home from ice cream…it was 103.7.

we are a daiquiri ice kinda family.  i remember when i was little bitty…my parents would take my brother and i to baskin robbins and i would order daiquiri ice every time.  it never even crossed my mind to get anything else.  i loved it that much.

i overheard my dad tell my mom…”she’s gonna be a drinker.”

hahaha.

i wouldn’t call myself a drinker.  but i do love a cold beer.  i do love a glass of red wine.  i never order daiquiris.  but a daiquiri ice ice cream cone from baskin robbins still can’t be beat.

and obviously my kids got my taste buds.

****

annslee spiked a 104 fever in the middle of the night that night.  the doctor said it was a “strep like virus.”

yesterday, she was not the happiest of 2 year olds.  i think it had less to do with the fever and sore throat and more to do with not being able to go anywhere.  party girls don’t like to have to stay home, ya know.

so..in a last ditch effort to negate a tantrum…i pulled out the paint brushes and she painted whatever she wanted to with water.

babies…

school buses…

herself.

indoor summer fun is pretty much tapped out at this point.  i am ready for a change in the tide.  i’m not ready for school to start…but i’ll be honest…the idea of lighting a pumpkin spiced candle; making pumpkin bread; a cool breeze in the air; and a harvest wreath on my door does put a twinkle in my eye.

i think george bailey agrees.



we re-united with our friend, the backyard, thursday night.  it’s been a while…because of our enemies, the mosquitoes and humid heat.

but…thursday night…we sucked it up.

flicka tried her hand at baseball…

while colton showed us he still had it.

there is something very satisfying about watching siblings teach and learn from each other.  they don’t even realize the importance of what they are doing.  they just do it.  because that bond is there.  and they instinctively have each other’s back.  there was no question in his mind that he was the one to teach her.  and she knew it, too.

****

last night finally arrived, and with it came the opening ceremonies for the 2012 summer olympics.

it’s no secret that i’m completely obsessed with the olympics and have been since i watched the movie NADIA when i was 10 years old and then saw mary lou retton score 2 perfect 10’s on vault at the 1984 summer olympics.  i decided then that i was going to go to the olympics someday.  i’m still waiting.

in 1984, i began flipping all over the house and never really stopped.  if you get me within 10 feet of a trampoline…watch out…cuz the olympic dream comes alive from within and back flips happen.

my soccer, swimming, and gymnastic skills may have wained over the years…but my love for the olympics never did.

for any of you that know me at all…you know that i keep the dream alive by considering possible options on a daily basis.

i’ve asked you before…how hard can curling be?

until a small miracle happens…

we come together in front of a TV.

we wear red, white, and blue.

we watch.

we celebrate.

we cheer.

and just as a passed torch lights the olympic flame…a girl who has carried a dream with her through childhood and into adulthood…passes on the wonder to a new generation.

i don’t know about you…but i’m pretty impressed that she will focus on the soccer game…

even while working on potty training.

here’s to the olympics…

and to all who love them.



i woke up this morning with good intentions.  i swear, i did.

it’s been a week of mama fail.

the kind where you wake up after your kids have been up for a while and realize that they didn’t come and get you.  then you stumble to the coffee pot and realize that they have gotten their own breakfast.  then you laze around while they play video games all.day.long…and maybe you throw a load of laundry in every now and then.  or maybe you don’t.  you just think, “i really should be doing something worthwhile.  i really should be reading to them….or playing with them…or taking them somewhere.”

i could make excuses….like….

well…chase threw up tuesday morning and that took up all my allotted cleaning skills for the week.

but we all know the truth.

the truth that sometimes we just don’t have it in us.

everywhere i look…there are people or animals or things that need my attention.  and it can get overwhelming.  it can getcha downright down.

like…i’m juggling, like, 12 balls…and if i let one of them go…

everything comes crashing down.  so i might as well set them all down willingly.

heaven forbid i forget to brush trout or george bailey for a day…because that buys you a house full of shedded fur.

and you can just forget it if you say, “take the dog out” and they hear “LET the dog out”…because it’s two totally different things.

you mean go out with the dog…but they think it’s adequate to just let him out the back door and leave him for an hour.  that buys you going out to find some serious, muddy holes in the yard and a mud covered dog that needs a bath before he can come back in.

and lawd have mercy…if you leave them in charge of the baby upastairs…

…they send her down as “bat girl.”

she had bigger boobs than dolly.

i need those things more than she does.  let’s be honest.

we did make the annual picture by the tree happen.

my goal is to take a picture of her in front of this tree every year…since they were sorta “planted” around the same time.

it shows how they both grow.

and heavens sakes…if you leave the flower beds unattended for 3 weeks…the earth apparently opens up and eats them.

4 hours and 5 blisters later…

…one of them is done.

and when you are in “lazy mama mode”…

you sorta let them dress themselves.

i’m fairly certain that flicka didn’t wear anything BUT pajamas all week.

i have to force myself off my tail and make grandiose declarations like,

“WHO WANTS TO MAKE LEMON BARS????”

not because I really want to make lemon bars…

but because i feel guilty…

because everyone else is going to the zoo…or the boardwalk…or taking their kids to camp…or disney world…or swimming…or the children’s museum.

so…you do things like make lemon bars so that they can’t say…

“my mom lays on the couch all day and doesn’t even make us breakfast.”

i’ve realized something about myself…which is always scary and welcoming, at the same time.

i drastically fluctuate in energy and mood depending on what is going on and who is with me.

like…4100 mile, 3 week trips across the country???  i’m down…because i’m not alone.

have a house full of company???  throw another log on the fire.

but…the in-between???  it’s all about recovery.

and i’ve learned that my recovery period is more emotional than physical.

i have to come down from the constant friends and family and laughter and activity…like coming down off of a drug.

which means there are a few somewhat boring and depressing days.

and it’s during those days that i feel like a crappy mom.

i’m not saying that there shouldn’t be down days.  i’m just saying…life must go on.  and happiness must too.

****

so last night, i went to bed at 9:00…vowing to wake up this morning with my flair back.  and i did.  i got up, made cinnamon rolls, made doctor’s appointments, cleaned up around the house, told the kids to turn off the TV and to get their swim suits on.

i called a friend to go with us…you know…because sometimes a friend is what a person needs to keep their summer fun flag raised…and we hit the pool as it opened.

don’t get me wrong…

it was fun.  and i saw mundane magic when annslee put her face in the water and when colt flew down the water slide and when aiden decided that she was no longer scared to swim…

but i couldn’t help but let the eeyore mood come out when a kid pooped in the pool and we all had to get out.  and then i got a seriously sad call from UK.  and then i didn’t get aj out of her swim diaper before she peed all over the chair and floor.  and then when i was cleaning that up, colton spilled his ENTIRE smoothie that i had just made him.  the dvd player quit working as i was putting in a movie for them.  annslee wouldn’t stop whining.  the dog chewed up the furniture.  the cat spilled his water. i realized that in all my attempts to pull my “mamaself” together, i totally blew off annslee’s speech appointment this morning.  and all that was just in a span of 2 hours. 

so…after trying so hard to give them a good, but normal summer day…i ended up losing my patience and griping about my “job” and making over-reactive statements about them cleaning up all of their own messes from now on.  like that’s fair.

so…the only thing i can figure is…

i’m gonna chalk it up to a test of my joy.

if joy is a fruit of the spirit…then i have it.  i won’t allow all of those little annoyances to be bigger than they are or have power over me.

i will go to bed tonight, thanking God for my beautiful family and all of their messes.

and i will wake up tomorrow…ready for our day together.

because the truth is…

it’s a gift.

and it’s time i start unwrapping that sucker.

a gift is no good if you don’t open it.

right?

and besides that?????  the opening ceremonies are tomorrow night!!

olympics 2012, baby!!!

and when in doubt…

“put on some lip gloss,

pour yourself a drink,

and play a killer game of candy land.”

and it also doesn’t hurt to send in re-enforcements.

joy come softly.