i can’t do anything half-way.  it doesn’t matter what it is…half way is never sufficient.

 

this drives chad crazy.  half way is okay with him.  preferred, even.  half way means more gets accomplished.  and time is not wasted on things that…seemingly…don’t matter.  like cotton ball snowman crafts.  or perfectly tied ribbons on wreaths.  or white twinkly lights being re-positioned to cover that bare branch.  or an extra load of laundry being done to ensure that the christmas gown is ready to slip over my girl for her sleepover.  or a frantic trip to the grocery for peppermint ice cream…because the occasion happens to be perfectly accompanied by peppermint ice cream.

 

details.

 

i think that love is in the details.

 

i’m not saying that it’s “right.”  but i am saying that it’s me.

it’s true that no one else would ever know the difference…

but i do.

and to me…

it matters.

a perfect example would be elves drinking syrup from straws.

 

 it sure doesn’t seem like thanksgiving is tomorrow.

maybe it’s because i jumped the gun on christmas…and we are one jingle bell short of seeing santa, himself, slip down the chimney.  but…when i think back…this day brings some vivid memories to the forefront.

like…in 1997…when my dad flew across the country with me to visit the clemson campus days before thanksgiving.  how could i have known how my life was about to change?  after walking the campus and visiting with professors…we caught an early morning flight home on thanksgiving…to walk into my parent’s house filled with the smell of a roasting turkey and celery with pimento cheese set out as a welcome home appetizer.  i rambled on that day about how much i loved the campus and how i felt like it would be my home for a while.

and then last year…on the very day before thanksgiving…our whole family drove to the woodlands to visit with my old friends from high school.  as we sat on the balcony of dea’s house…chatting about memories and life and watching our kids play in the backyard…i watched my girl bravely attempt the monkey bars, where her hands slipped and she fell hard to the hard earth…breaking her left arm.

it’s funny how fast the years spin…

and important memories become just that…

memories.

memories from a past that seem like just yesterday.

****

tomorrow we drive to salado…where the “jamar” side of the family will gather…for the first time in countless years.  we used to gather in woodville every thanksgiving…where i would chase after my older, “boy” cousins and try like everything to get them to notice me.  i was too young to follow them into the woods…or sleep at the cabin across the lake without any adults…or listen to blaring guns and roses music…but boy did i want to.

this year…after not seeing them for a good number of years…i think i’ll be able to keep up with them.

and for that…

i’m excited.

happy thanksgiving, friends.

it’s a good holiday…

and should be celebrated as such.
 



chad’s mom has been here from iowa all week.  she’s not one for pictures, that one.  and although life could not stop, unfortunately, when she got here…we did have 2 different mornings that we just huddled in the living room, lit only by the sweet sun streaming in through the windows and the twinkly lights on the fireplace mantle.  we sipped hot chocolate and ate coffee cake and watched recorded hallmark christmas movies.  and for a second there…life had slowed to a pace that i welcomed.

 

for one night this week, chase was the man of the hour.  we were all there for him.  and that boy played an 80’s rocker like nobody’s business!

 

 

yesterday morning, i proclaimed that it was outside light day.  and…just like every year…i expected a chorus of “yippees” and “this is the funnest day ever” and instead…just like every year…i got a hum-drum response of “i hate fluffing garland” and “it’s not even thanksgiving.”

 

i don’t know how this continues to surprise and disappoint me every year…but i just don’t get it.

 

when i was little (and “little” continued right up until my senior year of college)…putting the outdoor christmas lights up was my most favorite thing to do.  my freshman year of college, when i was away at TCU, i made sure that my dad and brother were going to wait for me to get home for christmas break to put the lights up.  every time we would talk on the phone, i would ask, “now…y’all are gonna wait for me, right???”  and they did.  every year, when UK and i were little, we would sit down with pencil and paper and draw “blue prints” for the plan.  and every year…my dad would always do the same thing: the big, colored bulbs across the porch, and white twinkly lights in the bushes.  at one point…we talked him into draping the white lights down the walk way and around the yard.  but that was where he drew the line.  and it didn’t matter how elaborate our blue print was or how desperately we begged…the lampoon’s christmas vacation house was never gonna happen.  now i understand the whole electrical outlet limitation…but back then…magic was always possible.

 

i know i’ve probably told that story before…but that’s the beauty of having your own blog.  i can tell a story as many times as i want to.  because it’s my story to tell.

 

but times have changed.  and the magical moments of childhood have transformed over the years.  now…meticulously untangling a ball of lights and wiggling every last bulb to try to salvage a half lit strand isn’t as magical as it once was.

 

or maybe it never was.  maybe i just had the ability to find the magic in the mundane…even way back then.

 

after much complaining about lights…i decided that it was time to bring out the big guns…for the first time in 18 years.

 

back then, my dad would let me wear his red, LL bean, flannel shirt.  i called it the christmas shirt.  and it became my light hanging uniform.  it swallowed me, of course…but it was part of the magic.  and i wore it with pride.

 

yesterday morning…i walked into my closet, flipped on the light, and sifted through my clothes, hanging neatly in my closet.  i have a problem giving away “memory” clothes.  i still have the outfit that i was wearing when chad proposed.  and there it hung.  right next to the first plaid polo i ever got.  i took off my t-shirt and slid the soft flannel over my shoulders…feeling the memories engulf me like the shirt did.  i buttoned each button and thought, “this is exactly what the doctor ordered.  the kids need to know about my uniform.”

 

i walked out and they just sort of looked at me like…”what the heck are you wearing…”

 

but it didn’t take long for the story to start spilling out like all good stories do.

 

and they listened.

 

they still didn’t leave their video games for too long…

 

but they appreciated how important this was to me.

 

and the magic was lit once again.

 

let it be said that the deer has always been my very favorite animal.  in a small way…i like that you can find them now.  on clothes, on pillows…even on welcome mats.  however…it takes a little bit of the originality away.  if you know what i mean.

 

today, the elves arrived.

 

they were waiting for the kids when we got home from lunch and a target run…where we didn’t get out of there without breaking not one…but TWO christmas ornaments and leaving one american girl doll in the wrapping paper and bow isle.  (thank goodness there are honest people left in this world and she was safely turned into customer service.)

 

we had some happy kids on return.  two of them even cried real tears of joy at the sight of those long, lost friends from the north pole.

 

****

 

and let the wrapping commence.  this little idea was found on, none other than, pinterest.  i’m convinced it’s gonna take wrapping to a cosmic level of enjoyment.

 

it’s a magical time, folks.  a magical time, indeed.



annslee and i finally went back to the doctor two days ago.  she had a nasty ear infection and i had developed a wicked sinus infection.  so…$60 in office visit co-pays and $40 in prescriptions and 2 days later…we are finally starting to feel better.

 

there is nothing like being sick to make you grateful for health.  i’m over complaining about this never-ending virus…but seriously.

 

in other news…

 

in 1 hour and 26 minutes…i am ordering tickets for the united states women’s national team soccer match against china that is going to be played in the dynamo’s stadium in december.  i never, ever, ever thought that i would get to see them play.  but…lo and behold…here they come.  and here i go.

 

thank God i saved some birthday money for this thing…or i might just be takin’ it to the streets.

 

****

 

even though i was feeling lousy this weekend, the decorations came out.

 

 

we all needed a little boost around here…and i knew just what would bring it on.

 

and you can always count on chase to make sure that individuals like kermit pay tribute to the Christ child.  every time i pass by the nativity…there is some new character making his pilgrimage to bethlehem on a steer…or a donkey…or a camel.

 

or on a shepherd’s back.

 

it never fails to make me smile.

 

we were all treated to a puppet show…thanks to the styling of chase and aiden.

 

i suppose the weekend was about tapping into our creative talents…because aiden also wrote and illustrated a short story.  it’s about a turkey named steakie.

 

and trust me when i say…that if you ever get a chance to read this story…you should do it.  and count your blessings.

 

and finally, the wise men made a trip across the living room/africa accompanied by the night boats to cairo.  thank you to just dance 3 for making this little ditty famous to kids everywhere.  this is a song i could do without being on i pod repeat.  but it’s there.  and i’m pretty sure to stay.

 

here’s hoping to continually feeling better.

 

AND…

 

the, not one…but TWO holiday lunches that i am having at the school today.



my little family is riding this virus out.  slowly but surely.

 

as one of us become vertical a little more, another goes down.

 

this morning it was annslee.

 

she woke up at 5 am with 103.7.

 

 

when you have been stuck in the house for as long as i have…you are forced to tend to things that you normally feel great about ignoring because they can be easily replaced by an impromptu trip to target.  things like organizing the junk drawer.

 

annslee sticks close to me all the time.  but today…as i puttered around the kitchen, i noticed her a little closer than usual.  she would stand right against my leg and lean her head to rest right above my knee.  i would move to another location and she would stay close by…resuming her spot as soon as i stood still.  she did this for a good 5-10 minutes as i organized the heck out of the drawer.  i would look down at her and ask her, “are you helping me?” or “do you want some water?” or “do we need to take your temperature again?”  she would usually just look at me with those sad, sick eyes and then put her head back in position.  i finally decided that the drawer could wait.  i left it wide open…stuff piled all over the counters…and bent down and picked her up.

 

and when i did…i hope i never forget the feeling of her tiny body melting into mine.  as if to say, “thank you.  thank you for picking me up.  i need you to hold me tight and hum to me and dance slowly to the slow christmas melody playing in the background.  i need you so that i can go to sleep.  thank you for stopping.  i would have waited longer…but thank you for not making me.”

 

and with that…she was asleep.

 

her slow, congested breath sing songed in rhythm with the music and the slow rock of the chair.

 

i vowed to never make her wait longer than need be again.

 

i layed her in my bed and went back to my drawer.

 

let me just say…there is absolutely no need for us to buy a tube of chapstick for at least 3 years.  the chapstick had apparently called a convention in the junk drawer.

 

i wish i had taken a before picture.  but…this is the after.  not the greatest…but it will do.

 

this…

 

and all of this came out of that tiny drawer.  i can’t be positive…but i think stuff was breeding in there.

 

usually i christmatize in one, big swoop.  but this year…it’s been a gradual process…crescendoing this weekend with the stockings and twinkly lit garland…then the outdoor lights…and then the tree as the grand finale.  usually we get it right after thanksgiving…because we get a live one.  but this year…i may try to talk chad into doing it thanksgiving week.  oh…he’ll be thrilled.  make no mistake.  that man is one santa hat and reindeer cup full of eggnog short of clark griswold.   he loves the sap especially.  saps great.

 

“little full….

 

lotta sap.”

 

he can’t stand that i’m already playing christmas music.  i ask you…who doesn’t love christmas music??  the more the better.  that’s my philosophy.

 

when one doesn’t get out much…one is forced to do things like “bird watch” just to get out of the house.

 

this is the second day we have seen this thing on our street.

 

when i get too close…he flies down a few driveways.

 

colton said, “be the crane.”

 

and then…the same day…i spotted this thing in our backyard.

 

apparently…we have some sort of komodo dragon living in our back yard producing babies…

 

because this ain’t no normal lizard.

 

you gotta catch those moments when brothers are actually helping each other.

 

tonight, aiden set up…

 

aiden’s art shop.  again.

 

i have to be very careful with my knee jerk response to these sorts of things.  this is right up there with “forts” out of blankets.  those things are great fun for the kid but end up making a lot more work for me.  so…when she announced, “everyone’s invited!!!” i took a deep breath and tried not to have the first words out of my mouth be, “now aiden…you know you’re going to have to clean all of this up, don’t you?”

 

tonight…i did better than usual and even asked for a ticket to get in.

 

we created art for a good 45 minutes in aiden’s art shop.  i breathed in a satisfied breath and thought to myself…

 

“you did great.  not one mention of cleaning up this mess.  you colored with the best of em.  you only thought about the dishes waiting for you once.  ok…maybe twice.  you might as well go ahead and pin a sparkly star in your mama crown.”

 

after we were done…i explained that we couldn’t leave it out because trout could eat the crayons.  then i went to bathe annslee and take a bath myself.  this is what i came out to on my pillow.

 

 

20 sentences of

 

“i will not do art…i will not do art…i will not do art…

 

I WILL NOT DO ART…

 

all because of YOU.”

 

all because i made the girl clean up her shop.  i mean…it was in the middle of the room.  i don’t feel like i was being unreasonable here. 

 

and at that…

 

i heard the sound of my sparkly star pop right out of my mama crown and hit the floor.

 

 

on a happier note…from a healthier time…

 

step aside barbie.

 

letting her dress herself really takes every ounce of patience and restraint that i can muster up.

 

****

 

why i love christmas music:

 

lyric example #1:

 

“faithful friends who are dear to us…gather near to us…once more.”

 

tis the season.



i woke up on thursday with a sore throat.

 

it’s gone downhill from there.

 

i started running a substantial fever…and coughing up nastiness from my chest.  my throat felt like it had razor blades in it.  i’ve never been covered in so much vic’s vapor rub in all my life.

 

 

that’s a life-size sidewalk chalk card from aiden.

 

not everybody gets one of those.

 

friday, colt came down with it too.  his fever hit 105.  i know one thing for sure…the fact that i was still running fever this morning means that this virus is a wicked one.  i haven’t run fever with a virus since i was a little girl.  i would run a high fever when i would get mastitis…but that’s an entirely different story.  the point is…i don’t run fever.  until now, apparently.

 

you know you’ve hit a low point when the exterminator rings your doorbell…and you answer it with a goopy glop of vapor rub under your nose.  he had come to get the wasps nest out of the fireplace.  i waved him in…pointed him toward the fireplace…and then collapsed back on the couch, coughing…robe hanging out from under my blanket…hair knotted on top of my head.  colt was moaning on the other couch.  he tried very hard to focus on the wasps…and to avoid all eye contact with us.  i also think he was trying not to breath.  but i can’t be sure.

 

bless chad’s heart.  there’s a reason why God didn’t make that man a nurse or doctor.  he just doesn’t know what to do.

 

today…which was day 4 of the most ridiculous virus ever, he finally snapped into gear.

 

the man took down my halloween decorations, dusted the ceiling fans, decided to de-clutter the kitchen (top of the refrigerator included), and made colton and i soup.  i could get used to this.

 

there were two main reasons that i was upset about being taken out by, what is obviously kin to the ebola virus, this weekend.  one:  i had to miss playing in my soccer game tonight.  and two:  i didn’t get to decorate for christmas.  however i made myself feel better by telling myself that it was entirely too hot outside to decorate for christmas anyways and replacing the halloween pencils with these cuties.

 

at least my desk is ready for the holiday season.

 

tonight…we gathered in the “lodge” room as a family.  we started a family devotional on the names of God.  tonight we learned that God’s first name…in Genesis 1…is Elohim.  it means the great creator.

 

colton found him a comfy place in my great grandma and grandpa kelly’s cedar chest.  my gut reaction was to tell him to get down and to not smush my neatly rolled up quilts and blankets.  as i watched him listen to chad, i thought about how much my great grandparents would love seeing their great great grandson lounging in their old cedar chest…listening about our great creator…using their old, wool blanket as his pillow.  and i let him stay there.  because suddenly…my neatly folded blankets didn’t matter anymore.

 

and that’s what happens when we slow down…when we really listen to God’s voice around us.  we see things a little differently.

 

as chad was cleaning the dust from the fans and the top of the refrigerator and the baseboards…talking about how filthy our house was, it got me thinking.

 

on the surface, it looks clean.  as long as things are put in their place…and the glaring dirt is removed…then we think it’s clean.  it’s not until we look deeper…under the surface…that we see the truth.

 

i thought about how true that is for myself too.  i can easily look cleaned up and shiny.  but if my heart isn’t pure…it’s just a facade.  i saw what it looks like in our home if the “underneath” isn’t tended to:  disgusting refrigerator dust.  and it’s not too pretty when i’m not attending to my heart, either:

 

just a big ole’ dust ball made shiny with a lot of vic’s vapor rub.

 

here’s to spending more time letting Elohim make-over the dusty places in my heart.



i put make up on my eldest daughter for the first time last night.  she has never been in a dance recital…nor worn a costume that required anything more than kitten whiskers.

 

let me just tell you…

 

i was not prepared for that.

 

chase took one look at his little sister and exclaimed,

 

“aiden!  you’re look so beautiful!!  you look like one of those kid actors!!!”

 

and i must agree.  i couldn’t take my eyes off of her all night.

 

halloween 2012 in pictures:

 

 

she was supposed to be a witch…but i told her she looked like a vampiress with those teeth!

 

sad clown…making her mark on the window world:

 

this is my very favorite shot of the night:

 

our block pizza party style:

 

we moved the patio furniture to the end of the driveway.  i don’t know why we haven’t done this before.  this was way better than opening the door every 2 seconds…letting the cat out…listening to trout go bonkers.  it’s the way to go.

 

the neighbors joined in too:

 

i loved the community feel.  dare i say…

 

it felt like an old-timey halloween…

 

right out of a norman rockwell painting.

 

flicka is very resourceful.  when your mother forgets your trick-or-treat sack…use your hat.

 

this is his second costume change of the night.  he had insisted that he didn’t want to participate in halloween this year.  he wanted to stay inside.  colton had decided the same…which was seriously temping me to lower my halloween freak flag.  but…just as i had hoped…he changed his mind at the last minute and grabbed his kermit puppet to go as jim henson.  then…he disappeared and came out as a boy scout.  the kid spends every day of his life dressing up and pretending to be someone else in the hopes of entertaining people.  it would only make since that he would enjoy this display of festive fun.  i’m glad he started seeing things my way.

 

and then…he finally landed on one of the wright brothers.

 

(he came up with this one on his own.  i was pretty impressed.)

 

unfortunately…colton never came around.  i was sad…but thought it was better to let him make his own decision.  he stayed inside all night.  i missed my boy.

 

but it was a great night.

 



i had forgotten why i never ask chad to help with the pumpkin carving.

 

last year…i put him on research duty…finding the best pumpkin face ideas.

 

you know?  it’s kinda kin to the thanksgiving job of “putting ice in the classes” or “watching the rolls.”

 

you make them feel important…but you don’t put them in charge of anything they can screw up.

 

this year…i made the mistake of asking him to clean the pumpkin out and get it ready for us to carve it while i showed the kids how to make their spider craft.  i thought they would like having something to do while we were cleaning it out.  they usually get bored with that and disappear and then i’m all yelling from the table with my hands stuck in goop…

 

“HEEEEEEEYYYYYY?  WHERE DID EVERYBODY GO???  WHY AM I DOING THIS MYSELF???  THIS ISN’T FUN!!!!  COME IN HERE AND ENJOY THIS TRADITIONAL HALLOWEEN EXPERIENCE!!!!”

 

alas…i think i enjoy all of the traditional holiday activities way more than the kids do.  and certainly more than chad.  he all but tolerates them.  sometimes…i actually have to physically force him to stay in the room.  i mean…i don’t tie him to a chair or anything.

 

last night i kept calling for him and he was going back and forth between the kitchen table and the clogged bathroom drain upstairs.  i think he liked having a legit reason to flee the premises.

 

however…he did “start” the cleaning out process.  how could that go wrong?

 

i’ll tell you how.

 

have you ever seen such a small, clean-out hole?  it was big enough for annslee to get her little fist in there…but that was about it.

 

 

“now what,” i asked?

 

at least this kids were still at the table.

 

colton said, “i got this.”

 

and alas (that’s the second time i’ve used that word) the pumpkin clean out torch was passed to the eldest child.

 

in order to truly complete the process to my standards…i had to cut a hole out of the bottom and finish.  and i must add…that was chad’s idea.  so he redeemed himself.  because do you know what?  you can now set that thing right on top of a candle!  that’s what!!  genius…my husband.

 

aiden had made this dessert with granna on saturday and we saved it for the perfect night.

 

while we ate…each kid was responsible for one part of our jack-o-lantern’s face.  aiden drew one eye…and she took much care doing so.

 

colt drew the mouth.

 

annslee drew the nose.

 

and chase was supposed to draw the other eye.  he didn’t want to do it.  i told him that if he didn’t draw it…our pumpkin would be one eye short.

 

he found me a solution.

 

nice.

 

yesterday was my pre-school class’ party.  the kids dressed up.

 

this was my raggedy ann costume that my mom made for me when i was little.  my brother was raggedy andy.  i remember having a busted lip that year because my dad tripped me to keep me from scoring a “touchdown” in the living room while we waited for mom to finish getting ready for my soccer halloween party.  if i made it to the love-seat (that happened to have a wooden frame) i won a point.  well…i got a little too close and my dad yanked my leg out from under me and i went down like a ton of bricks and whacked my mouth on the wood part of the couch.  i started screaming and he carried me into the kitchen and put ice over my mouth and kept telling me to stop screaming because mom was gonna go berserk.  i went and told mom on him, of course.  she was going as a hobo…and i remember her telling me that my fat lip would go really well with her costume.

 

and then at my halloween, soccer party…guess who couldn’t bob for apples?

 

raggedy ann.  that’s who.

 

luckily…yesterday, annslee’s lips were fine.

 

 

chapped.  but fine.

 

we’re creeping.

 

well…we’re not gonna use that spoon in the sprinkles any longer…

 

last night, as i was getting settled into bed…i remembered that i hadn’t washed the darks since sunday when the girls wore their orange and black halloween outfits.  that translated into staying up until midnight…folding laundry…and waiting for the load of darks to wash and dry.

 

sister got to wear her shirt and tights today.

 

i made sure she knew of my sacrifice too.

 

they need to know those things.

 

🙂

 

happy halloween!!



the weekend was quite the whirlwind.  i was remembering a time, when the kids were all toddlers…and i hated the weekend.  i thought they were boring.  chad was gone a lot.  there was nothing good on tv.  we didn’t have anywhere to go.  i longed for monday to roll back around.  because…then…at least i had my good friends, regis and kelly to talk to.

 

times have changed.

 

i don’t even know regis and kelly anymore.

 

haven’t seen em in years.

 

****

 

friday night, i hosted my coach’s birthday party at my house before the game.  that meant dinner and dessert.

 

 

 

we had a game at 8:30…and then went over to a team mate’s house to play pool, just dance 3, and some LCR dice game that i had never heard of before.  to be fair…i could have come home after the game.  but why would i do that after years of my only friends being regis and kelly???

 

to be fair again…i had friends.  they just all lived far away.

 

saturday morning…i popped up and remembered that i had forgotten to go let UK’s dog out.  he was in a wedding in austin and i was on dog duty.

 

in an early morning panic…i sped  drove with haste to his house.  luckily…timber has quite the bladder control.  she was fine.

 

then…i came home and did a little house work.  at 1…i got showered and dressed up for my cousin’s wedding reception downtown.  i haven’t dressed up in a good while…so this took a little time.  there was a lot of grooming happening.  plucking eyebrows…shaving legs…painting nails…braiding hair…etc.  i also had to ransack the boy’s closets…looking for anything remotely appropriate for a wedding reception that still fit them.  since when do we only have basketball shorts???  i’m not sure when that happened.  i also had to locate jumpers, skirts, matching long sleeved shirts, cardigans, tights, dressy shoes, and matching bows for the girls.  this was a little easier…but the state of their closets and drawers and our clean laundry mountain  pile made it take longer than it should have.

 

by this point…i was over my strapless dress and heals.  i threw on a jean jacket and my black cowgirl boots and thought, “i’m the photographer.  no on will care what i’m wearing.  and besides…heals can be a hazard while taking pictures.”

 

 

colt was none-too-thrilled…due to having to miss his last football game of the season to dress up and be forced to smile alot.  smiling’s not his favorite these days.

 

 

i love this shot.  this is the groom and his mother.  so sweet.

 

i didn’t get home until 2:00 am.  this time…i didn’t forget about the dog.

 

sunday morning…we went to church and then straight to the tailgate cookout that i was supposed to bake 2 dozen brownies for.  those just had to be bought.  we had to leave that situation early because flicka was done.  she cried if she looked at a blade of grass.  chase and i dropped everyone off at home and headed to watch the blue angels.

 

i can’t get enough of these planes.  i grew up watching them every year from our street.  we lived down the road from ellington air force base and they came to the air show every year.

 

now…we park in a big, church parking lot and sit on the hood of our suburban and watch the pilots make their magic.  it is breath-taking.  they fly directly over us…so low that you think they are going to hit you…and break the sound barrier directly over you head.

 

crazy cool.

 

luckily…small group got cancelled sunday night while i was with chase because i had a sunday night game.

 

we lost.

 

i’d say i’ve come a long way from my old, boring weekends.

 

****

 

today, we are having my pre-school class’ pumpkin party.

 

note to self.  stop for a red bull on the way.



when i think over the last 38 birthdays…a flood gate of emotion opens up and pours memories all over me.

 

i remember things like getting my first pair of guess jeans; honey and paw-paw giving me my kermie and piggie sleeping bag; walking into school to find my locker decorated by friends; opening my first real ring from a boyfriend; being taken on a hike through the mountains in north carolina for a picnic; picking out a swatch watch; my parents throwing me a surprise party at mr. gatties; renting out the roller rink for my 18th; driving to get my driver’s licence on my 16th; and reading the scratchy writing on homemade cards from my children.

 

i think that this birthday was one of my favorites.

 

i sit tonight…thinking back to the messages and gifts that i received over the coarse of the day.  and all of them…every single one…said,

 

“hey you……i know you….and i care about you….and i really want you to feel celebrated.”

 

i write from my desk tonight…with a spiced pumpkin candle flickering, tulips slowly blooming, and chewy sweet tarts whispering my name…all gifts from the day.

 

 

the rest of my house may be screaming for my homemaker attention…but this place???  well…this place is a sanctuary…reminding me of my children walking into my room this morning, flowers in hand and a friend’s surprise visit with my favorite fall candle and candy.

 

when i glanced down at my 36 “followers” of the blog…as i often do as an encouragement to keep writing…i saw the number 107 in place of the 36.  i figured there must be some mistake.  and then chad told me what he had done.  that sweet man wants me to feel valued and like i really have a voice that matters in this big world. 

 

he hears me wonder if i can ever really make a difference.  he hears me wonder, sometimes, if i matter.

 

although i’m a little embarrassed…i love that number 107.  and i love that you 107 people took the time to do that for me.  i feel heard.  it’s a good feeling to feel heard, you know.  the reason that i started blogging was to record pictures and stories of our family so that some day…our children can look through them and read them and know their story.  they can look back and see how much they were cherished.  every day.  i often imagine my daughters reading some of these posts and realizing…

 

“ok…she didn’t always have it all together…and she failed…and she got frustrated…just like i feel today with my kids….but she sure did love us well.”

 

and it’s been an unexpected bonus to share that with all of you.  you will never know how the kind words and support that has come from sharing our story has encouraged me over the last 5 years.  so…all of that to say…i’m really glad you are here.

 

this morning, i woke to the most precious of breakfasts.

 

i actually cried yesterday when my 6 little preschool students sang me happy birthday.  there is something about the voices of children, i tell you.

 

aiden actually made me 2 reindeer puppets that attached to my card.  there’s not much better than reindeer puppets.

 

 

 

unless it’s the running horse charm that the kids picked out at james avery to go on my bracelet.

 

colton took the day off school and he, annslee, and i met mom and honey at the new outlets that just opened by our house.

 

this is an exciting situation.  annslee knows how to entertain herself in a dressing room.

 

and this is one of my favorite pictures of the day.  i love these people more than life itself.

 

at mom and dad’s tonight…UK gave me my birthday t-shirt.

 

it’s just about perfect.  we often find ourselves asking each other,

 

“what would JR EWING do?”

 

it’s become a thing.

 

mom made chicken and dumplings and creme de menthe pie, of course.

 

it has been my birthday dinner since i was 3 years old.  i will tell everyone that every year too.  it just makes me happy.

 

there was one nagging thought that kept plaguing me all day.  my dad had won a golf tournament a while back that took him to north carolina this week.  i kept thinking,

 

“dad hasn’t called yet.”

 

tonight at dinner, his seat sat empty…and i missed him.

 

i missed the way he hugged me.  i missed the way he laughs at what i say.  i missed the way he says happy birthday.

 

at the table…i said, “daddy hasn’t called yet.”

 

mom assured me that he was probably in the mountains and didn’t get reception.

 

i said, “i know.  i’m sure that’s it.”

 

after we got home…my phone rang.  i glanced down at it…and saw

 

“DAD’S CELL”

 

i smiled and answered it.

 

he said, “happy birthday!!!”

 

we talked about what i did today and about dinner and about how he was doing.  he told me he was sorry he wasn’t here.  he told me how much he loved me and how proud he was.

 

after we said goodbye, chad asked,

 

“he called???”

 

i smiled softly and answered,

 

“he called.”

 

it’s 11:13 pm now.  it’s almost over.  the day that i look forward to for the entire month of october is here and is coming to a close.

 

and i loved it.

 

i loved today.

 

so far…38 has been great.

 

thank you for being a part of it.

 



this morning…i got a wild hair and took off annslee’s diaper and didn’t put a fresh one on her.  i told her…

 

“today we are going to use the potty.”

 

she protested like she usually does…despite promises of candy and new toys.

 

she is sitting at the breakfast table in just her gown.  i’m expecting to be cleaning up pee in about 4 minutes.

 

why i am doing this to myself today, i will never understand.

 

i’m not really a planner.  i do my best work when i boldly announce,

 

“today we are going to target to find kitty cat ears.”

 

or

 

“today we are going to clean out the linen closets.”

 

or

 

“today we are going to go to the beach.”

 

i have to go where the wind blows.  i have to be in the mood.  i have to be inspired.

 

how can i possibly know if i am going to be in the mood to clean the linen closets out days in advance?

 

speaking of…

 

it’s a sign that life has spun completely out of control when i wake up and declare:

 

“today…my life depends on whether or not my fridge is organized.”

 

i blame pinterest.

 

although…i told chad, the other day that i thought my obsessive need to buy bins and baskets and organize the living daylights out of the fridge and upstairs closets had more to do with my need to feel like something is in order.  that i had taken something that was out of control…and whipped it into submission like a wild horse.  if i can’t control our out of control schedule…then by-golly…we are going to have a linen closet right out of southern living magazine.  i need to know that i can complete something…and check it off the list as a project well done.

 

so…

 

this…

 

 

and this…

 

became this.

 

clearly…the grocery store needs to happen at some point.  our fruit bin is lacking.

 

and then on friday…this…(i forgot to take a picture before i cleared the shelves.)

 

 

became this:

 

guest soaps and shampoos, etc. will be in that jar and extra tooth brushes, etc. will be in the small basket.

 

i got rid of old sheet sets that we never used and replaced all our dingy, mis-matched towels with white ones.

 

and on the girl’s side…we now have storage baskets down low for paper towels and toilet paper.

 

the awkward, hooded towels are rolled in a basket.

 

sleeping bags are rolled and within reach for impromptu, sibling, slumber parties or movie nights.

 

and a little bit of sanity has been re-stored.

 

****

 

flicka spent friday night trying to keep up with the big kids.  saturday, she hit a wall around 4.  i love that moment when all of the excitement and activity and fun finally gives in to sweet dreams.  when rest finally comes.

 

 

i got up early this morning to go over my lesson plan for colt.  i wanted to be prepared for him when he got up.  as soon as i opened my computer…her “cat-like” senses must have honed into the fact that i was up…because she popped right on up.

 

she’s my right-hand friend…that one.  try as i might…she’s not going to sit anywhere but my lap while i work.

 

and that’s ok.

 

i’ll take it while i can get it.

 

sweet Jesus must have known i needed a little help today…because look who made her pee pee come out in the potty!

 

yay you.

 

celebrate the little accomplishments…right?

 

an organized fridge…a pretty linen closet…

 

and taking one pee pee in the potty at a time.

 

*  before i could get this posted…she peed in her “undies” and is now throwing a complete tantrum because she wants a “biaper” on and screaming,

 

“I  NO WAN GO PEE PEE MORE…while shaking her head no.”

 

that translates to “i don’t want to go pee pee in the potty anymore.”

 

i’m really unsure of where to go from here.

 

just keepin’ it real.