while uploading my pictures…i typed in the date, using 2013 for the first time.  i’m trying to be inspired to embrace the new year and celebrate all of the miraculous moments that it will indeed hold…but it can’t really be done by lighting a new candle or hanging a new picture on the wall.  that works for clean the house inspiration.  but, saying goodbye to last year takes pulling out the big guns.  it is somehow harder for me this time.  it’s coupled with the kids growing in stature and maturity, certainly.  it’s the knowledge that the school year will be coming to a close after just one semester…and that means that i will have a 7th grader, a 5th grader, a 3rd grader, and a little someone going on 4.  it’s my grandmother getting another year older in the coming month.  it’s time.  gone.

 

i think that’s my favorite part about this journal/picture album in my own little corner of the magical, web world.  at least it’s proof.  it’s proof that he actually said “that,” and that she really did believe “that,” and that he thought “that” and she really was that little and wore those old, red sandals.  i don’t have to completely let it go.  i don’t have to really say goodbye.

 

the last of the christmas magic is officially over.  we drove all through the night last night and pulled into our driveway early this morning.  we walked into our waiting home.  it had a chill to it.  a chill that suggested that no one had been living here…that it was lonely with just a roaming cat…and that it missed us.  the kids did what they do when we re-enter our lives after a long trip.  they run from room to room, reacquainting themselves with sweet, stuffed bunnies, superheros, and babies that were left behind.  they hit the wii like nobody’s business.  they are content.

 

i usually get right down to business…putting away clothes and toothbrushes and cleaning so that all evidence that we we gone fades away and life resumes seamlessly and painlessly.  but this time, on this particular morning, i layed down on the couch…covered myself with 2 soft blankets until our heat warmed our home…and drifted off to sleep.  i’m pretty sure i said goodbye to the holidays in my dreams, and vividly revisited some of my favorite parts of 2012.  and when i woke up…i was ready.

 

i’ll tuck away this passed year as i tuck away freshly washed vacation clothes.

 

 

i’ll clean up what’s un-kept in my mind as i get the kitchen functioning.

 

and i’ll get us all prepared to start back to school in the last 3 days of our long anticipated vacation.

 

because i’m a mother.  and that’s what mothers do.  i have to be good at helping our kids feel and celebrate and say goodbye and start fresh.  i have to comfort the little one who’s lower lip quivers when she says she’s not ready for the year to be over. i have to work through the sadness of great being over and the fear of the unexpected and unknown being ahead, because they feel it too.  they may not know how to express it…but it’s undoubtedly there.  it’s there in the form of tears, and anger, and temperamental attitudes.  and since i have felt it too…and had to make my own inspiration to start the new with a smile and a twinkle in my eye…maybe i can teach them how to as well.

 

happy 2013.

 

there.  i just typed it for the second time.

 

and it was a little easier than the first.



well…the surprise went down.

 

it’s now safe to say that we are sending warm wishes from iowa.

 

 

we surprised the kids yesterday and told them to pack their bags.  we left yesterday evening and drove straight through the night.  we surprised chad’s sister and our nieces and nephew…with a little help from the brother-in-law, and then rang chad’s mother’s doorbell and surprised her.  needless to say…it was fun.

 

the happenings of this christmas will have to wait to be told…or maybe even just tucked snug in my memory…to be kept with the many other non-told about christmases of my past.  we will see.  something tells me this week will make enough stories of its own.

 

i will tell you that my favorite memory from this christmas came at the midnight, christmas eve candle light service at my parent’s baptist church.  this was our first year to make this work with the kids…and it went down about like you’d expect.  it had a little of a: The Greatest Christmas Pageant Ever feel to it. 

 

first of all…annslee insisted on holding her own candle.  which anyone within a 5 mile radius would see that this is a bad idea.  but she would not be deterred.  and you can forget about “helping” her hold it.

 

i kept a close eye on that flame.

 

i used to be all thrilled about the candle light service as a kid.  it was like stars flickering in a magical night sky.

 

this year i just kept thinking…

 

geeeeez…

 

this is a lot of fire.

 

my favorite part of the service was when annslee swiped all of the communion from nearly EVERYONE in our row.  she would sweetly walk up and stand in front of you…smile preciously…and just as you smiled back at her thinking about what an angel this child is…she would reach in and swipe your communion cracker right out of your hand.  when she did it to colton…i nearly fell of the pew laughing.  that child.  i swear.

 

santa came and sipped his milk…ate his cookies…fed his reindeer…worked a little bit of the puzzle…and tucked his elf friends in tight.

 

it was a good night.

 

and…now i must go.

 

i’m pretty sure we have a snowman to build this afternoon.

 

warm wishes, friends.



i have about 78 lists on a bazillion different pieces of scratch paper and note pads going at the moment.  santa, himself, would be confused.  and he’s a professional list maker.

 

the north pole party is in full preparation mode.  and i have some excited little girls over here in anticipation.  thank you to kelle hampton for the idea.

 

more on that thing later.

 

****

 

i am nowhere close to being ready for christmas.  every time i ask annslee what she wants for christmas…she says, “nofing.”  we have no idea what to get her and time’s a-tickin’.

 

and this weekend, alone…i have my soccer team christmas party, the north pole party, a couple’s christmas party, and a soccer game.  and i say…this kind of business is good.  it means that festive fun is to be had.  with a little bit of the best sport in the world mixed in.  it’s a good reason to drink spiked egg nog and consume ridiculous amounts of things like fudge…and wassail.  which brings me to another point.  wassail is not appreciated like it should be.  there.  i said it.  we americans need to get with the program.  there ain’t nothin’ better than a cup of hot wassail.  plus…the word is fun to say.

 

****

 

wednesday night…on 12.12.12…a dream came true and i got to go watch the U.S. Women’s National Team play live.

 

chronicled in pictures:

 

alex morgan became my favorite soccer player her rookie year.  she is a forward.  her job is to score goals and make assists.  it’s a position i understand.  and one that i love.

 

this is her warming up.

 

 

the team warming up.

 

kick off.  alex morgan #13 and abby wambach #14…a dynamic duo.

 

tobin heath #17

 

lauren cheney

 

wambach and carli lloyd

 

lauren cheney’s corner

 

alex’s south paw shot on goal

 

goal keeper, hope solo, with dark pony tail in the middle

 

and one of my personal favorites…a whisper to me that just because you are a mother…

 

…doesn’t mean that you have to give up on all of your other dreams.

 

 it has taken me 11 years to understand that.

 

a mother isn’t all that i am.  it is the most important role that i have been blessed with…

 

but it is not all that i am.

 

 

 

i often struggle with the “what ifs.”  what if i hadn’t given up on ___________?  (fill in the blank.)

 

what if i hadn’t been afraid to fail?

 

i have learned something about myself over the last several years.  i realized that i would usually quit something before i could fail at it.  somehow i thought that it wouldn’t hurt as bad.  it wouldn’t be as disappointing.  but now…i can look back and see how wrong i was.  the disappointment is worse in the long run.

 

this is a lesson that i hope to teach my kids using my own fear of failure and the regret that i now have as a tangible example.

 

i’m living my life differently now.  it’s not that i no longer fear.  i just refuse to let it tell me to quit.

 

“never let the fear of striking out get in your way.” – babe ruth

 

lesson learned.  a little late.  but learned, none the less.

 

****

 

you can’t get much sngglier than a babe in footed fleece jammies. 

 

i know this girl like the back of my hand.  and this is what she was thinking:

 

“i’m gonna push that button…even though i’m fairly certain i’m not supposed to.”

 

 

“i’m pretty sure that something big will happen involving this monstrous tree we have sitting in our house if i push this button.”

 

“and further more…if she didn’t want me pushing this red button…then she shouldn’t put it right here under her desk…knowing that under the desk is a perfect place for me to play.”

 

“apparently…she put it here so that i can push it.  yes.  that must be it.”

 

“yep.  i did it.  and i’m pretty satisfied with myself.”

 

 

“do they realize that i am the one actually running this place?”

 

****

 

the sugar plum has quite the group of friends.  well…no one should have to watch a christmas movie alone, anyway.

 

it’s mid december, folks.  time’s a-tickin’ indeed.



although it’s already the 10th…i finally feel like i may have caught my groove.  i wish i could say it’s the 1st of december and that all things christmas are just beginning…but i can’t.  and that’s ok.

 

our home school co-op had it’s last day for the semester this past thursday…polar express day for my preschool/kindergarteners…thank you very much.

 

 

we read the littlest angel…wore our pj’s…

 

and downed hot chocolate, marshmallows, and candy canes like our lives depended on it while we watched the magic of the polar express on a computer screen because the dvd player decided that this would be the perfect time to quit working.

 

and kids drifted off, one by one…into sugar induced comas.

 

and after you remove a big portion of teaching pre-school from my plate…(similar to finishing the flavorful but filling, gravy covered mashed potatoes that takes up so much of my platter)…i now have time for the stuffing.

 

and the stuffing often gets pushed to the side…waiting to be appreciated like the potatoes because the stuffing is what the meal is actually centered around.

 

the stuffing thursday evening was making homemade christmas cards for honey.

 

after chase and aiden were at school on friday…i packed colt and aj in the car…along with their pictures and christmas wishes…and to grandmother’s house we went.

 

we dug out her treasured nativity from the garage and set it up properly in the center of her small home.

 

as luck would have it…i stumbled across a box full of outdoor lights.  and it’s not like i could let those things go untouched…

 

so we put those suckers up…and stopped to smell the flowers for a bit.

 

saturday, we waited for chad to return from honduras by crashing granna and grandaddy’s tree decorating.

 

and my faith in my children’s ability to find the magic in the transforming of a simple tree into a splendor of twinkly lights and meaningful decorations was restored.

 

everything in my mother and father’s house is…

 

simply…

 

wonderous.  it takes me right back to childhood…where my littel brother and i would be trying our darndest to see up the chimney on christmas eve, wearing our matching red and white striped pajamas.

 

right down to the matching aprons, hanging in her kitchen…waiting for her little elf bakers to make their way over during a christmas cookie baking marathon.

 

my very favorite nativity from childhood is set up in the dining room.  this is the one that my brother and i would use to tell the story of Jesus’ birth every christmas eve to a room full of spell-bound family members.

 

and this one was honey’s that has been passed along.

 

all of them beautifully crafted to take you to that place in bethlehem when the babe was born.  ok…so maybe the camels and wise men weren’t actually there that night…but the shepherds were.  and i imagine those shepherds appreciate that they have miniature statues that commemorate the most important night of their lives…and chronicle the fact that they were, indeed invited to the Christ child’s birth.

 

and what would make this a better day, you ask?

 

the cowboy santa.

 

that’s what.

 

things like this add the element of childhood fun.  they can touch something and not worry about breaking it.

 

they can dance to have a holly jolly christmas and wiggle their booties with a cowbow boot and hat wearing santa.

 

and maybe even steal a kiss.

 

and without complaining…or fighting…or breaking anything…

 

they did it.  they transformed that tree.

 

we shared christmas tea…a tradition that was started by my mother back in 1997…the year i left for clemson.  we read the story (a cup of christmas tea)…a beautifully written story about a young boy who didn’t want to take the time to accept the invitation to his great aunt’s home for tea.  it’s well worth the read if you need any inspiration to slow down and focus on what is really important.  people.

 

the weather has finally cooperated…and seasonally and properly chilled.  i sprang from my bed this morning…

 

turned on the christmas lights…

 

started my orange, cinnamon, and cranberry pot of water simmering…

 

and donned the kids in cute, winter wear before kissing their heads and sending them on their merry way.

 

it’s december 10th.  and it’s high time that i enjoy the stuffing. 



i have about 20 library books and 4 videos that are due back.  or over due in some cases.  you wanna take a guess how many i have located?

 

two.

 

that would be 1 book and 1 video.

 

wait…back in on up…

 

colt just found another book.

 

so we are only 18 books and 3 videos short now.

 

i knew this was a bad idea.  whoever thought it a good idea to issue this family a library card was sadly mistaken.

 

i even created a “library file.”  all library items are supposed to be kept in the same, little filing shelf on my desk.  guess how many things are in that thing?

 

that’s right.  zero.

 

for all i know…they are hidden in a stocking somewhere.  i can’t be held responsible for normal household items after christmas decorations are involved.

 

last night, i was in bed and right before i dozed off…i heard a sound that could only be “cat and christmas tree related” in the living room.  i decided to leave it alone.  if i got up to find the entire tree down…broken ornaments strewn from one end of the living room to the front door…and a dead cat, that would involve me cleaning it all up and digging a hole in the backyard when i should be sleeping peacefully.

 

so i pretended i didn’t hear it, (i feat that never would have been conquered pre-annslee) and drifted off to sleep.

 

this morning…i found a few broken limbs and 4-5 ornaments on the ground and the lights all caddy-wampus…but it wasn’t that bad.  which goes to show that sometimes it’s best to just ignore it.

 

****

 

annslee was struck down by strep throat this week.  she was running fever the night we got home from KC.  she’s on the mend now…but it took all of us to entertain that filly while she was in a fever induced stupor.  she’s the only person i know that would feel like being twirled while running a 104 fever.  but you can pretty much go ahead and just put the rest of your life aside when she’s sick…cause she’ll make your life down-right colorful if you don’t do what she wants.  and colorful is just a nice way of puttin’ it.

 

 

colt had just changed her diaper for me and he put the blasted thing on backwards.  we’ll do anything to get her wantin’ to start using the potty, i guess.

 

aiden was supposed to be doing her homework.  it’s nice to see these old, kindergarten math manipulatives that i saved are coming in handy.

 

and another thing…if you come to our house any time soon…i’d stay away from the ones that aj put up her nose while battling strep throat.

 

but that’s just me.



there was something that seemed just plain wrong about announcing that chad and i were headed out of town for a 40th birthday, 13th anniversary weekend get-away with family and friends this past weekend.  it seemed……

 

dangerous.

 

not that trout wouldn’t completely dis-limb anyone who tried to step foot in our house unwelcomed…but still.

 

well…we went.  and we are back.  and it was magnificent.

 

we flew, just the two of us, to kansas city…where we were picked up by chad’s brother and sister-in-law.  the four of us drove to the quaint, christmas lit plaza area to our beautifully restored, 1920’s hotel where we met his sister and brother-in-law.  our best friends from des moines came in the next day and we painted the town red…or silver…because we are just that fun…for the weekend.

 

we got to wear things like sweaters, knitted hats and scarves and properly initiate the adorableness of the winter wardrobe in weather that was below 60 degrees.  we shopped the plaza…

 

 

where we found Jesus.  and let’s just be honest.  everbody needs to find Jesus.

 

but best of all…we celebrated this man.  we celebrated his life…his impact on the people in his life…on the world.  a lot of jokes were made about the daunting numbers 4 and 0, and he kept asking me what i thought about being married to a 40 year old man.  but by the end of the weekend, i looked at his salt and pepper hair and the faint lines that showed up around his eyes when he smiled and appreciated the wisdom, heart softening, and growing love that they symbolized.  and i realized that without that pesky number 40…all of those things might not be present.

 

apparently, my affinity for hats goes right nice with his affinity for plaid shirts.

 

all of us missed our children, and our children certainly missed the always welcomed time with each other…but to be able to spent time together over un-enterupted coffee, beer, dinner, and city scaped walks lent itself to a greater appreciation for each other.  the funny was let loose in some of us while relaxation flowed freely in others.  each night has it’s own favorite punch line in the way of a comment or circumstance that is better left between the 8 of us.

 

it’s always hard for me to tell people i love goodbye.  and it seemed appropriate that we left our magical weekend with our airplane powerfully lifting itself through a dense fog…where we couldn’t see anything beautiful to save our souls…only to break through that fog into the splendor and warmth of a sun streaked cloud bed.

 

it was an instant picture of how keeping on through the fog…with your face toward the sky…eventually gets you to the beautiful place that God had waiting for you all along.  the fog always lifts…if you plow your way through it with faith that, although you can’t see it, the sun is there…waiting for you…and laying out the most glorious red carpet in the form of puffy, white clouds.  there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.  there is always hope.  there is always the promise of the sun.

 

and let’s all be grateful for that.

 

here’s to looking at things differently than the rest of the world.  there is admittedly a lot of fog…but there is also a lot of goodness…kindness…grace…love.

 

there is a lot of light.

 

****

 

i almost forgot…

 

 

it’s important to note that real men drink lemon drops and appletinis without apologizing.  take that america.

 



we got the tree and put it up.  it involved:

 

 

4 arguing kids…

 

3 broken ornaments…

 

2 obsessive animals…

 

aaaaaand

 

1 very aaaaannnnnn……….gry mom.

 

that’s another story for another time.

 

but it did end with my sad, yet satisfying declaration that i will do it myself next year.

 

i will do it alone…during the day…with a mug of hot chocolate and my christmas music playing…and i will put aside the non breakables for the kids to do that evening.  and if they want a football game on in the background instead of rockin’ around the christmas tree…then so be it.  and if they want to fight over who’s ornament is who’s…knock yourself out.  and if they decide that they are more interested in playing hide and seek with the ornaments…no biggie.

 

it’s a win-win.

 

****

 

mine and chad’s 13th wedding anniversary was tuesday.  i was looking forward to a quiet night together…and picking out our anniversary ornament.  instead…i ended up at home…helping the kids with homework while chad coached colt’s basketball game.  he came home for about 15 minutes before he had to leave again to turn colt’s football equipment in.

 

we decided to try to salvage the evening by ordering take-out and watching a movie at home.  i had the kids bathed and fed and homework done so that we could have the rest of the night.  we heard them up at 9:30…paused the movie…and went to see what was going on.

 

 

this is what was going on.

 

they had decided to draw beards and mustaches on each other with PERMANENT marker!  when asked “what on earth they were doing” (a phrase made popular by my own parents) they each pointed the finger at the other.

 

i guess aiden went second…because hers came off with a little bit of force.

 

but all the scrubbing and on-line marker removal techniques in the world wouldn’t get that art masterpiece off of chase’s face.

 

he went to school yesterday with a red, raw face and remnants of a blue mustache.

 

and then when they got home…they had to work for me because they showed such “poor judgement” (another way of saying “y’all just made a really stupid decision).  plus…they didn’t go to bed when i told them to.

 

i mean…seriously.

 

last night…i walked into chase trying to tie the cat’s tail in a knot.

 

literally.

 

what is going on these days????  it’s like they’ve swallowed dumb decision pills or something.

 

chad assures me that we will laugh about all of this.  someday.

 

i guess so.



salado, texas doesn’t fail to impress…with it’s rocky hillsides; twinkly lit old houses turned gift shops lining the town’s main street; and deer that come out in record numbers at dusk to feed. they know that they have nothing to fear here…for they are as much a part of this small texas town as the old man sitting on the porch bench outside of magnolias, chewing on the end of his pipe.

 

life moves a little slower there.

 

and for that…i am grateful.

 

 

salado, texas doesn’t fail to impress…with it’s rocky hillsides; twinkly lit old houses turned gift shops lining the town’s main street; and deer that come out in record numbers at dusk to feed.  they know that they have nothing to fear here…for they are as much a part of this small texas town as the old man sitting on the porch bench outside of magnolias, chewing on the end of his pipe.

 

life moves a little slower there.

 

and for that…i am grateful.