last night…i could have very easily been thrown in jail. i could have had to call my parents from the police station…AGAIN!!! chad is out of town, of course…and the reason why this would be the SECOND time my parents had to be called to come get me from a police station is totally beside the point. the FIRST time…it wasn’t my fault. i swear. and i didn’t even get an MIP like the rest of my friends did that night. so there. i said it.
it took me until 5:00 in the afternoon to muster up the energy to go grocery shopping…which meant that 3 out of the 4 kids had to go with me. we had nothing in the house for dinner…and 5:00 was as good a time as any to realize that something had to be done.
so…off we went.
but first, we had to stop at michael’s…a craft store. this is where i decided that i would never take them to that place again. that is where annslee lost a shoe. and sadly…it wasn’t even HER shoe. she had put her sister’s shoes on before we left and i failed to catch it.
so…she tantrumed her way through most of the store…shoes flippin’ and floppin’ all over the place. she was insisting on pushing the cart by “mywelf” and she couldn’t even see where she was going. so…she would just run into things. or people. and she would scream a blood curdling scream every time i would try to help her. and her right shoe kept coming off…causing her to sit down in the middle of the store…screaming…”MY YOU…MY YOU…WAIT…MY YOU CAME OFF!!!”
this is when a normal person would have cut their losses, picked up mcdonald happy meal’s and headed the heck out of dodge.
but not me.
no sirree.
i can handle target with one hand tied behind my back.
plus…we didn’t have anything for breakfast or lunch today either.
so…it wasn’t until we arrived at target that i realized that annslee was missing a shoe. it must have fallen off in the parking lot. so…she was barefoot. and that meant she had to ride in the cart. and anyone that knows this child…knows that she is not one to be confined. anywhere.
we went up and down every isle…in every section…twice. at first…i was all,
look at us…meandering around target…all peaceful and happy…perusing the cute valentine stuff and dog toys. i should have known that they would eventually tire of the experience that is target. and they did. aiden and chase began declaring that they were, indeed, starving. annslee was surfing in the cart…grabbing clothing as we walked by. that’s how she ended up with a brand new, horsey t-shirt. and a few nice, games of tag began in the frozen food section. and let me just say…i HATE it when we see someone we barely know from school and it’s awkward because we sort of pretend we didn’t see each other but then chase whispers in a voice that is somehow louder than his regular voice…
“THAT’S HANNAH’S MOM.”
and when i ignore him…thinking that if i don’t acknowledge him…he’ll quit saying it…so he just keeps getting louder.
“MOM…THAT’S HANNAH’S MOM. DID YOU SEE HER? THERE SHE IS. DO YOU SEE HER NOW?”
so…fast forward. i’m in line…finally…and i’ve picked the slowest cashier in the joint. because that’s what i do. i’ve loaded my entire cart. hushed aj 86 times. told chase and aiden to keep their hands off each other double that. and answered colton’s call wondering when we were coming home and what was for dinner.
a nice line had developed while she was scanning my items slow as christmas.
i had already let one person go in front of me. they only had 1 item. and i had 427.
when she finally gave me the total…i scanned my card…hurrying to get me and my circus performers out of the store.
that’s when it happened.
the cash register beeped. i looked up and saw…
“denied.”
“WHAT????”
(the man behind me actually rolled his eyes.)
i did a half smile and swiped again.
“denied.”
swipe…swipe…swipe.
denied…denied…denied.
“ma’am…i’m sorry…but do you have another way to pay?”
sheepishly…i thumb through my wallet for my check card.
swipe.
“error.”
swipe.
“error.”
(man behind me says something under his breath. annslee is screaming for “mum.” chase and aiden are whining about pretzels.)
i cleared my throat and whispered, “can you just manually type it in? i promise it will work.”
we finally got it and i maneuvered my full cart…with aj on my hip…SHOELESS…as chase and aiden tripped over each other…to the snack stand for the pretzels. we still needed dinner after all.
that’s when the man and the woman who were behind me in line passed by.
the man looked at me…then looked at the woman…and said,
“that’s 30 minutes i’ll never get back.”
so…this is when the whole “jail” part comes in.
because…in my mind…i killed that man. like…took one of those slurpy straws to his eyeballs and then dug them out with that cool straw spoon at the end thing.
please tell me that someone else has felt like a total circus act before. please.
****
colt had his best game this past saturday.
get a load of this kid guarding him. he is huge. that’s the tricky thing about sports at this age. there is such a range in the kid’s sizes. he is 12…just like colt. but he was bigger than i am.
when colt pointed out the other team’s size before the game…i pointed out right back:
“they are bigger than you. but you are faster than them. you can get around them and under them before they get to you. just handle the ball like i know you can. and make your shots.”
and he did.
he sunk this one.
went under this kid for a lay up…
swished this 3 pointer…
and a second 3 pointer to put an exclamation on it.
they didn’t win. but it sure was a fun game to watch. and he certainly had fun playing it. and isn’t that kinda the point?