This is me. Trying to keep this up. Trying to keep everything up…but so, so tired. Christmas used to be my favorite time of year. The magic…the traditions….the family…the excitement everywhere you go. It really is unlike any other time. Something happened at some point in adulthood. I’m not sure when. And I’m not sure why. When I really think about it…now…my favorite time of the year is Halloween. You all know I love me some October! And a good costume for a child makes me ridiculously happy. I don’t have to be in control of anything. They tell me what they want to dress up as, I buy some candy, and it all works itself out. There are no gifts to buy. There are no school extras. There are no church extras. There are no expectations on me at all…except that they have a costume and they are taken trick or treating. But also….it’s the beginning. And I know what’s coming.
Right after Halloween…I sneak into the attic (against Chad’s wishes) and start pulling out the Christmas stuff. First is always the mantle. Second is the staircase. Then I hang the different signs and pictures that I’ve accumulated over the years. There are things that remind me of my grandparents and things that remind me of my childhood and things that remind me of my children’s past. It’s usually all done (except for the tree) by November 2nd. And I enjoy it. It’s quiet. It’s pretty. It’s coming…but not here. It’s were I can sit in silence at night and really enjoy it…without thinking of the one gift that they really wanted and I didn’t find. Or how I failed my Kindergartener and 3rd grader because they don’t have an ugly Christmas sweater to wear for ugly Christmas sweater day at school tomorrow. Or the fact that I told the person in the family who had Annslee for Secret Santa something that Aiden wanted on accident and now Annslee is getting a gift that is technically Aiden’s hope. Or that I told Chad I wasn’t going to another Church Christmas party (to be fair…there were 3) instead of a friend’s and I saw that he was disappointed. Or that we aren’t getting to Colorado as quick as I know my parents would like us to because we are so flipping busy. Or that I spent hours in the yard stringing Christmas lights that seem to blow the fuse every night after they have only been plugged in for 30 minutes…but I keep plugging them in anyway…hoping that a Christmas miracle has taken place during that day and they will work tonight. (They never do.). Or that this is the first year since Colt was a baby that we aren’t getting a picture with the Mall Santa because we leave tomorrow and I completely forgot. But I swear….I’m trying. I’m trying so hard to remember that my kids will not remember all of my fails. I’ll tell you what they will remember…
…IF THEIR MOTHER ENDS UP IN THE LOONEY BIN BEFORE THE CHURCH BELLS RING ON CHRISTMAS EVE!!!
And if I yell at them when they can’t find their crazy socks that they were supposed to wear to school.
It’s lots of pressure for a recovering perfectionist.
Or if I make them feel like crap because they ask me the very last second before bedtime the night before the last day of school before break to take them to buy their friends a gift. (Thank sweet Jesus for Colt and Aiden for taking her last night.)
Anyways….you get the point.
If we aren’t the Griswolds….I don’t know who is.
Chase knows how to handle me. He knows exactly when to pull out the line, “Where’s the Tylenol?!” It’s right about the time when I’m about to lose my mind.
I wanted to take the small amount of time that I had in between packing for Colorado and the sibling/cousin Secret Santa & Gingerbread Competition tonight to wish you all a very Merry Christmas. We are cutting our own tree down in the mountains of Colorado near the cabin on Monday…and that night…we will hopefully have the clearest view of the Star of Bethlehem…for the first time since the year 1623. Some people think that the Star of Bethlehem that led the 3 wisemen Kings to Jesus was a fictional part of the story. But I don’t. Astronomers call it a “great conjunction” when there is a passing of the Jupiter and Saturn celestial bodies. I figure…you add the alignment of the Sun to that…and you have a magnificent sight to behold. And I believe that the Planets and the Sun and Stars all knew the Wonder of Jesus’ birth. I imagine God, the Father was so filled with love for His Son…and the people He was sending Him for…that every brilliance was shown. Angels sang. Glory to God in the Highest…and on Earth…peace and goodwill towards men.
Colt: 19; Chase: 18; Aiden: 15; Annslee: 11; Elsie: 8; Jalen: 5
It’s A Wonderfull Life.
*****
If you want a great movie recommendation that involves the North Star in one of my favorite ways…although not at the Biblical time (The Wisemen didn’t get to Jesus right at birth)…our family watches The Nativity Story each year. It’s a beautiful movie.
If you’d like a book recommendation that has been a favorite since I was a little girl and still one of my kid’s favorites today…check out The Littlest Angel. It is the sweetest story.