Forrest Gump has been on T.V. an alarming number of nights in a row. I recorded it on our DVR because it’s a movie that Chase has been wanting to see. Couple Elvis Presley music and Tom Hanks playing the lead and you’ve got yourself a little piece of movie Heaven in the eyes of my second born. I lay awake that night, watching until the very end…reminding myself of the scenes that will need to be fast forwarded for my wide eyed and impressionable boy. I had forgotten about so much of this movie. I’m a firm believer that as we grow and change through age and experiences…different parts of any kind of art speak to us. Don’t think that just because you’ve seen or heard or read something once means that you can’t learn anything from it again.
On this particular night, there was a scene that resonated so deeply with my own heart, that I have found myself thinking about it ever since.
It was the scene where the shrimping boat went through a hurricane. Forrest was trying to keep the ship afloat…steering against the waves…or with the waves…or into the waves of the roaring sea. And Lieutenant Dan was sitting on a platform at the top of the sail, yelling for God over the deafening noise of the storm. Some may think that he was yelling at God…but I know better. He was yelling for Him. And I got that.
I have been yelling for God for a while. I know He’s there. However…at times He appears to be pretty silent. And I’ve never been one to enjoy one way conversations. That may be my problem.
Lieutenant Dan and I, neither one.
And as Forrest would say, “That’s all I have to say about that.”
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Easter seemed different this year. I wasn’t all crazy about the baskets and clothes. Ok…it appeeeeeaaaaarrrrred that I was crazy about the clothes…but we really just got lucky. I found the girl’s dresses at TJ Maxx for $14.99. Then…I happened to find a dress on sale at Old Navy that I loved. And as luck would have it…it was blue and white. Chad needed some shirts and they had oxfords on sale for 12 bucks. One of them was blue. Colt’s go-to color this year was blue…so most everything in his closet is blue. And the only pair of dress pants that Chase would even entertain trying on happen to be blue. It just happened. I swear. But don’t get me wrong. I do love it when this sort of thing works out.
The Christmas after Annslee was born, an impromptu, apron picture happened in my mother’s kitchen. Aiden, myself, mom, and Honey were all wearing a mixture of my Great Grandma Kelly’s and my grandmother’s aprons while cooking. My dad took a picture. My mother has the picture hanging with all the aprons in her kitchen. For several years now…we’ve been saying that we needed to get a new picture taken with Annslee in it. This Easter…it happened.
There is magic happening in this picture. The sun streaming through the live oak…the blue and white dress…the bare feet…the old apron of her great, great grandmother…the hair flying free as she twirls her way into giggles. I must see this image regularly. My heart feeds on this image.
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We were graciously invited by Claire and her mother to go to Disney on Ice. And those people did it up right for our sweet, little, princess loving friend. She did not feel well at all. We prayed all day that she would be awake to enjoy it. My heart broke as I made the drive to Reliant, listening to her gasp for breath and go in and out of restless and painful sleep, holding tight to her mama from Aiden’s car seat. It was an “on top of the shrimping boat” moment. And just like the sea was calmed for Lieutenant Dan…it was calmed for our precious friend. She stayed awake the entire show and receive all kinds of special love from the skaters and people who were hosting her. She didn’t want her picture taken…but I sneaked a few.
Claire shared her twirly lights with her friends.
Annslee has been there with her friend on countless occasion…and silently watched her receive so many wonderful presents and experiences. She has never said a word about it. She has never asked why Claire got so many presents and special treatment while she stood beside her quietly. She has never looked at me with questioning eyes. She has never said, “Can I have that too?” She has never been jealous or bitter. It’s been a sweet thing to watch…this selfless friendship. I know that this lack of jealousy has to do, in part, with how generous Claire has always been. She brought Annslee back a present from Disney World. She always shares some of her candy. She is quick to give Annslee (and sometimes Aiden too) a Disney barbie or a magical, twirling flashlight, or one of they many princess dresses she’s been given…or a ride in a horse drawn carriage! However, on this particular night…the night that Belle, herself, gave a rose to Claire…she wondered.
And she began to ask questions. A recent conversation occurred involving Disney World.
AJ: “Mom? Can we go to Disney World?”
Me: “Hopefully some day we can. It costs a lot of money to go to Disney World.”
AJ: “Claire got to go to Disney World.”
Me: “Yes she did. And you remember that she got to go to Disney World because she did such a good job fighting her Cancer. Nice people paid for her to go to Disney World because she was sick.”
AJ: (coughs) “I’m sick.” (coughs)
And at that…I knew that the time was drawing near that we would have to explain to her things that I never wanted to have to explain. This was the first time that she let me know…without a doubt…that she had witnessed it all. She remembered it all. She may have known not to ask for it…but it had not gone unnoticed.
And I think for a brief second, “Four years old is too young to have to process this.” And then I quickly remember, “Five years old is too young to have to walk through it.”
And my focus changes once again.